I was so glad to see you post. You sound like you are doing well even though things are tough for you. You have your priorities in place and things are going to work out well for you. One day you are going to be posting about how happy you are and that the heartache you endured in the past was worth it in the end. You have come so far.
You are so right about your children being lucky to have both parents in their lives. You are a great father, and your boys are lucky to have you.
It must have been hard for you to have to see signs of ex and OM living what seems like a happy life. I am sorry for that. Try to remember that things aren't always what they seem. I swear Hope--what comes around goes around.
What kind of person are you looking for in a spouse. I think about what I want in an other man often. Sometimes I think someone divorced would be good, but the statistics on marriages between divorced persons is scary. I think I want a divorced person who admits to their faults in the marriage and doesn't blame the other person. I would want that person to have grown because of the divorce and not just sit there and blame the situation on ex. I guess this is a given from DBers. I just think it is rare to find a divorced person who takes responsibility for their fault in the marriage. I think about these things a lot. Do you?
Ex and I have become really good friends but sometimes I wonder if he can ever overcome his addiction. Who knows? Life is getting easier though, and I can see myself having a happy life with or without ex. I am sure you agree that there will always be regret and sadness for what could have been, but also there is hope for a life you never dreamed possible. I just wish life wasn't filled with so much pain sometimes. It kind of sucks. I am jealous that you have your sons. If ex and I don't ever get back together, and it looks like I won't be remarrying anytime soon, I have full intentions of having a baby on my own with donor sperm. This may sound nutty to you, but I have got to have kids!! I guess life doesn't turn out how you planned, but we just have to make the best with what we have. It looks like you are doing just that and taking every moment with your sons and making the most of it.
Take care and keep in touch. I always wonder how you are doing and get really excited to see you moving forward each time you post. You are doing good Hope. Keep hanging in there. I promise life gets brighter and brighter. I didn't believe that for a minute, but it does.
