Was reading your thread and saw my name. Sounded like the perfect opportunity to write my thoughts on your situation. I can answer from the perspective of someone who divorced with two boys and never got back together, but also my current sitch of DB with a WAW.
First, I agree with some posters that you need to be more dark. You situation is not the same...your ex is letting you know with words and actions that she wants space. I think you definitely need to give it to her. Mine does initiate contact a fair amount. As you can see if you've read through the thread, I have a hard time walking the line of too much pursuing and too much dark. I think in your sitch since you are already divorced you need more dark. I would accept invites to do stuff (not every time) and show her through your actions that you have changed for the better.
I've been divorced for 7 years and my ex still asks for favors. And no, there is no chance of reconciliation. Besides I'm in love with my current wife. So I wouldn't make too much of favor asking. When it comes to the kids I think favors are felt to be fair game. But is being unavailable for favors more of the same? Or is always being available when your wife calls what you normally do? I think you should error on the side of doing favors, but being always available and willing to do what your ex asks is kind of pursuing and doormat like.
I worry I'll get to the same place as you. And an easy divorce like you had. My feeling is that when/if she divorces me I will choose to go actually dark until she indicates through words or actions that she misses seeing me or something. As for the other man I know it would tear me apart too. Try your best not to think of it. Besides as Sam pointed out....you're better than whoever else is out there.
Good luck.
La
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
