I read the posts from Sage and am thinking along these lines, La is not really dark, he has contact nearly every day, he is kind and thoughtfull when around his W. I could be totally wrong, but maybe guilt is eating at his W. To me Dark means never contacting the spouse, being unavailable. I think he is very available to her, but he has to be with kids involved.
I think being dark is best for me. I just have too many raw emotions going on right now. The conversations we do have are good, they are just few and far between. She still talks mostly about her new job or her new house, I listen attentively. Right now I really dont know what she wants from me. I think she wants me as a friend, but is unwilling to treat me like one because she is afraid I will interprete friendship for something more. The other night she called me to come over for pizza with the boys. I got the message late and didnt go over. I see this as her trying to be kind to me. Next time I talk to her I need to thank her for the invite. Dark is best for me because I still cannot resist the urge to reading more into her actions than there really is. Thats my position today. It may change tomorrow.
I am also very available to W. She depends on me when it comes to the boys. An example. Monday she discovered that she had a meeting on Tuesday, so she asked if I could watch the boys, I said it wasn't a problem, she said she didnt think it would be, and thanked me. She knows I am always there for her and the boys. She has chosen not to depend on me to help her out, but where the boys are concerned she depends on me heavily. I once told her that I would much rather take care of the boys than have a baby sitter watch them. I take every moment I can with them. She also said I was going to have to watch them all day Saturday, and indicated that she had already told me about this (I dont remember her telling me this), instead of saying "you never told me", I just nodded my head and told her it wouldn't be a problem (A 180 for me, normally this would initiate an argument). Sometimes I feel like her built in babysitter, but again I would rather spend the time with them Vs. have a sitter watch them. The way I look at it is if I dont have anything going on I should always take them.
Do you think going dark has drawn H closer to you or further away? I dont think you have the anger towards H as I do towards W, so you probably don't benefit from the distance in that respect. I do think that the distance has helped you to GAL. I hope it will do the same for me. In the end its your decision, you could always experiment a little?
