I read your post on my thread. Thanks for posting.
I have been thinking about you and the fact that you are doing the LRT and wondering if I gave you some bad advice. I read a post by "Sage" posted on la espesperanza's thread which is on this forum. Her posts talk about going dark and how it can confuse the WAS. Read the first post she posted on his thread and then read the ones she posted today. Don't do anything though. Just think about things. I am still thinking about this and don't want to lead you in the wrong direction.
Each time I read your posts I feel that you are in too much of a funk to come across as "attractive" to wife. I don't mean this offensively but your mood is a little bit on the down side. I am sure it would be hard to hide this from her. HOWEVER, I also hear you say again and again that you aren't doing good at building a friendship with wife and that you worry that she thinks you don't like her. When I read Sage's post, I second guessed my advice to you even more.
I also need help in this arena. Maybe we can work through it together. I think we are a lot alike. I see so many similarities in your thoughts and interactions regarding wife. I am going to post to Sage one time about my personal situation with H and see if I am going too dark. Read what I ask her and how she responds. I am then going to read the advice she gives to others maybe you should do the same. I have come across her posts a few times and she seems to have a unique view on situations and how LRT can sometimes be misconstrued by the WAS. It is such a fine line between non-pursuing kindness and pursuing that leaning on the going dark side seems safer. Maybe reading her advice can help us both get better at non-pursuing kindness.
Don't do anything yet though! I still think you are too sensitive right now. You don't want to mess up any progress LRT might have produced. I think LRT is good when you are too hurt to be compassionate, caring and non-pursuing.
Also, my husband didn't file for divorce to revoke a positive response in me either. That is a fact for sure. He was so exasperated by living in an unhappy life with me that I think he felt there was no hope left in our marriage. I too think that I would have never changed unless H had filed for divorce.
You said
Quote: XW even said that she felt that the next relationship I'm in will be a very healthy one (still not sure what that means).
This is really good Hope. She is seeing your changes as something that will be lasting, and I think she is starting to see you as trustworthy too.
My H too didn't and still doesn't tell me things because he is afraid I will judge him. He does the same thing when it comes to telling me about his family. That is why I was shocked when he told me about his brother stealing again. In the past, I would have ripped his brother apart. I guess I went a little to far by defending the brother. I need to just validate and leave it with that.
I'll keep in touch. I plan to post to Sage next. My computer is of course still not letting me post. Arggghhh!
