I've been out of town since Monday, I will make it home Friday afternoon. Before I left, xw asked me to make sure that i call and talk to the boys. I called to talk with them on Tuesday while my Mom was keeping them. I really didnt want to talk to her, and I still dont. I'm afraid she will be PO'd at me for not calling more. I guess I just dont want to talk to her. Trying to be her friend is so hard, its so hard to just try and talk to her. Mostly because of the divorce, but also because of the new bf. I just cant get my mind off what I feel is utter betrayal. I have alot of anger built up towards her, and I'm finding it hard to express that anger in a positive way, especially when she is around. I also feel that by avoiding her, I am missing a golden opportunity to build a tremendous friendship and possible relationship. My oldest occasionally brings up the new bf, which is very painfull for me to hear. Worse yet, I think XW feels guilty about the Relationship, which I know does neither one of us any good. I want to love her and yet I want to hate her, God please give me strength. Maybe we have changed too much, and maybe we have done too much damage, but I still have some hope for us. But at this point I want distance, I dont want to talk to her, I dont want to see her. I'm just so angry with her. Will this rollercoaster of emotions never end. If nothing else this post may make some of you think, "well maybe my situation isn't so bad after all".
