I read your post one more time and want to make some additions. Hope, you are pursuing. Also, I know it is so hard to just not mention future with wife or the R, but don't do it. It is not an option. It only makes wife uncomfortable each and every time. Everytime wife thinks things are getting better between the two of you, you make her uncomfortable just as she begins to relax. Don't mess up your hard work. She is watching you like a hawk and looking for the old you to emerge. Once you pretend that you don't care enough, it won't be pretend anymore. It will be the real you. Start working at that. Once you do it enough the rewards in her behavior will make you want to get better and better at DBing. That is what has happened to me.
Yes, your wife is afraid to give you any hope at all. If she gives you any hope you will suffocate her. I am just as bad. We are all pathetic fools. We are not attractive people. We have been hurt and are desperately looking for a way to ease are pain. You need to learn how to be strong again. The person you are today is not the person that attracted your wife in the first place. Try to go dark and get strong. We will be here to support you.
