I was just about to post and tell you to think about going dark then I saw that John Dad had posted the same thing to you so I definitely think that may be a good idea. I know it is hard to do, but I think you must do it.
Think of it this way. You really don't have a relationship with her as it is so why not break it off completely for the time being. Things aren't working the way they are going so give LRT a try. Make her think you have moved on completely. I think the your relationship with her the past few months has set a great foundation. It allowed you to set the stage for a good friendship. You have been kind, patient and a good friend. Now you need to get busy with your own life. Once you start doing it, it will get easier and easier. Keep in mind that her life will go on just like everyone else's on this earth which is a life full of problems. She is not living in a rosy dream, I promise. Don't let your head run crazy and make yourself thank she is just all happy, happy.
By the way, my H also bought a house after the divorce. It really made me upset because in my mind we were getting back together so why would he do such a horrible thing. They see things differently than we do, and we just have to accept it. I just told myself that the house means nothing and that it is just a material possesion. Once I made up my mind to forget it, I never thought about it again. You need to do the same about things like these too. I have come to the belief that our old marriage is gone (who cares because it stunk anyways) and I am rebuilding my life completely so I can have a relationship with H or someone else if things don't work out with H. The better I got at having this attitude, my perception of my situation changed completely. Total separation has to happen for reconciliation. I held onto little things here and there to keep "us" together in my head. I have let go of all preconceived notions on how H should be acting. Once you do this, your perception will also change.
You need to just let her go by not having contact with her. I know you have kids together, but make the drop offs and pick-ups as short and sweet as possible. If you could think of a way to not see her at all at times like these, do it. You need to create mystery and make her wonder.
Is she seeing someone, Hope? Is there a boyfriend? I see you post sometimes that there is someone. If there is back off completely and watch the problems arise in that relationship. She is not going to march off into the sunset with him.
I know all of this will be very hard to do. I have been following Christian of this board. His wife is an alcoholic, and he is very caught up in codependency with his wife. I watched him go dark with his wife which you could tell by his posts that it was very, very difficult for him to do. He did it though and it got easier and easier. The same will happen for you.
When I read that you had asked her to dinner and she turned you down, my first impression was that you are probably coming across as pursuing. Stop all pursuing behavior. The easiest way to do this is to go dark.
You need to create mystery. It is attractive. There is a book that I had told you about on your old thread at surviving the big D. Go back and find the name of the book and buy it. I think it is the Art of Seduction. After reading it, you will start to see how pursuing someone not interested is a total turnoff. It explains that you always have to stay mysterious. When you tell people too much about yourself, they get board and lose interest. There is a chapter with a list of turnoff's. Boy oh boy, it describes all of our whiney asses on this board to a tee.
This is how I know LRT will work. With H things turned around when I didn't call H at all! NEVER! This has all happened very recently. I even talk to him now like we aren't getting back together. It works I swear. You have got to get a life also or you will go mad. I had let my counselor in on some of my DBing secrets and she told me I was playing games and needed to be honest instead. When I took her advice, things with H started to fall apart. I ignored her advice and got back on the DBing wagon. It is the only thing that works and I have so much proof. When I do it, things get better and that is a fact.
Hope this helps. I know it will be hard. There are no guarantees, but obviously what you are doing now isn't working so be strong and give this a try. What do you have to lose? You can still be her friend just a very busy friend with no time for her right now.
