Thanks Jo, Your 100% right about it feeling like an act, I just hope it starts to be second nature soon. I know it just takes work and patients. Yesterday she emailed about the settlement check. I owe her some money from the divorce. It really isnt a big deal, I have the money and fully intended to give it to her. In fact I thought of writting the check the day before she mentioned it. I kinda wanted to give it to her, and show that I could do things for her, like letting go of a large sum of money that took me awhile to accumulate, without making a fuss. I guess I messed that up. Then I started thinking, she's been buttering me up over the last couple of days so she could get the money. Thats all she wants is her life, thats all she cares about. I know this is a destructive process, then comes the thoughts of her and her new boyfriend and the thoughts of how it was when we were together, is she being like this with him.. I ask myself. Again I know this is destructive, but sometimes I'm unable to stop going down this path. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement, direction and support. Sometimes it truely seems hopeless, but then I reread some posts, spend some time with my boys, or just try to remember that everyone is trying to do the best they can (even her). Hope.
