Wanted to share a little lesson in piecing that I had to relearn yesterday:
(Bear in mind that my H is totally home and has been for 2 years, his affair was quite brief, and we are probably one of the more successfully reunited couples around - so, imagine if my H is still THIS touchy, how touchy YOUR spouse may be!).
H and I were taking a nice walk yesterday morning, taking the rare opportunity to share a workout. Somewhere along the line, our chatting touched on some joking at his work, and he commented that he was glad he was now working in a somewhat isolated OR, because he wasn't subject to all the "fraternizing" that goes on in the main OR (between the nurses and docs and peripheral staff).
My duct tape slipped from my mouth and I asked H if that was where his acquaintance with "her" had gotten started, because I had thought she was a nurse on the ward. H quickly stated that it hadn't started there, and didn't want me to talk about her. But he did state that he knew of several other affairs that had started in that environment.
We then went on to other topics, and frankly, I didn't think anything more of it. But a coupleof hours later, H told me how much it bothered him that I had referred to OW as "her". He felt that using a personal pronoun was giving her too much dignity!!!!!! That that was how you would refer to someone close or familiar, and that she shouldn't be dignified with such a term! (Did he expect me to call her "it"?).
I mention this mostly because I know several people here are struggling with the question of when will their WAS be willing to spill their guts about the whole affair and "talk it out". And my H IS a talky, touchy-feely kind of guy. And even HE is so ashamed and bothered by the subject that he can't even stand me using a personal pronoun to refer to the ex-OW!!!!! (Actually, I did it because I had forgotten her name - that's a good thing, right? )
So - I guess what I am saying is - just do not underestimate the depth of the returned WASs shame and discomfort in talking about their affair. Don't push it - and buy lots of duct tape!
On the D14 front - boyfriend picked yesterday, while she was in the middle of her period and seriously PMSing, to break up with her. Even worse - told her it was because she wasn't as "cool" as he thought she was in the beginning, and because she had some annoying habits. (Aside from pursuing him a little too much, I can't imagine what he's talking about). Gee - he sounds like a WAS, doesn't he????
I'm trying to help her see this isn't about her (because, motherly pride aside, she really is beautiful, smart, talented, kind, and pretty much a great catch) - but it is hard for her, this is now the third guy who has dumped her in a very not-nice way, she's going to start getting a very poor image of men, I'm afraid.
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