Ellie, sorry about your D. It brings back memories for me. My D started acting up when she was about 14. She had always been a "good" kid. Good grades, nice friends, etc. Then she got in with some different kids and she told me she didn't want to be "good" anymore. She snuck out of the house, one night when she was out some of her friends who knew she was out crawled in her window and stole her stereo, cds and some other stuff. She thought I took it all cuz I knew she had snuck out. This was the beginning of her realizing her friends weren't such friends after all. By the time she was 16 she had been running away, skipping school, spent time in juvenile detention and was basically pi$$ed at everyone. It was a horrible time. When I didn't know where she was I was in panic mode all the time. She took the car one night without permission and I had her arrested mostly for her safety. She'd only had her license for a couple weeks. She had to suffer some consequences and she finally started to turn around before she turned 17. She had a wonderful drug/alcohol counselor who she will never forget. She got a job, bought a car on her own and graduated from high school on time. That last year of school she worked hard to get it done. She is 21 now and a pretty happy girl out on her own.
Those few years were so hard. I could not believe that my sweet little D could do this. I was stunned and broken hearted. I'm surprised my H and I didn't split then. He is not her father but he was very supportive and helped me think with my head and not so much my heart with her. She didn't understand what the big deal was. She was angry at her life and she wanted to do whatever she wanted and until she has her own children she will not understand how I felt. I got really involved with her school, her counseling, and her probation counselor. She had to spend time in juvenile detention when she skipped school because she was violating her probation. It took her awhile to get it but she finally did. She went through some things that were unpleasant enough that she didn't want to do it again!
Today she tells me she thought I was going to hate her for all of this and she is grateful for my unconditional love. I know your D has other issues, but I do believe teens, especially girls, go through this time of their lives where they are changing, hormones are running and they don't know what to do with themselves and sometimes make bad choices during the process. But they can come out of it with our love and care.
I don't know if any of this will help you and I'm sorry to say that this might not be the last time you have trouble with her, but you can get through it and there are lots of people out there to help. Try not to obsess on it too much. I did that and when I look back I feel like I lost a couple years of my own life. We have to keep on living our lives too. I am praying for your family cuz I know how hard this can be. We love our children more than anything or anyone and we want the best for them.
