What did Sage say awhile back about our minds putting pieces of "evidence" together when otherwise we would have discounted it.
It is the toughest thing your probably ever going to do, but you need to quit tracking the "evidence", because until you do your attitudes toward H will show through the "act as if".
If you track evidence long enough sometimes you'll be right and sometimes you'll wrong, but the only way to the otherside is drop the rope which means you won't have to "act as if" but just "be" knowing H will stumble sometimes like you do through this process, but then get up and hopefully see the great changes in you.
Not trying to preach but offer encouragement and say give yourself a break on your stumbling your doing great just don't let the crazies git ya.
