Wow, Deb, I think you are just about there. I know I have wanted to do that very thing you did--ASSume and accuse. You probably should have had a couple more beers! Anyway, my H started out telling me he knew OW wasn't good for him. But I noticed he couldn't give her up just yet. We were separated at that time. Things were getting worse with her and her drinking but he still was trying to get comfort from her. Finally I just told him I had better things to do and started go out with an old MF. I didn't have any romantic feelings for MF but it was a distraction. After a couple of weeks H missed me and called. I was out with MF and my son told him I was out with a friend. Finally H figured it out and started calling my cell phone frantic. He didn't want me to be with anyone else and that was truly the end of OW. Now I'm not saying go out and get yourself a "friend", I'm just saying what happened to me. Even though OW was gone, we stayed separated for another 8 months. Once I saw her car in the morning at a bar my H went to. I couldn't help it, I called his cell phone and he didn't answer. I kept calling and finally after a couple of hours I left an accusing message. Boy was he mad. He had left his phone in a friend's car and hadn't even been at that bar.
So I knew I had to get a handle on that, I had to trust and believe what he told me or I was going to keep going crazy like that. It is hard, but your H needs you to trust him. He knows he messed up bad and he seems to want your forgiveness. But he won't be able to ask for it and might not even be able to say he is sorry--mine could not. He cannot talk about it at all.
So, all I can say is try to keep a handle on the ASSuming--that will get you in so much trouble. And don't worry about analyzing his attitudes, body language, etc. Just try really hard to take his word and relax. Whenever you bring OW up, it makes him think about her--I bet you don't really want to do that. My H always asked me to let things happen naturally, relax and let him be comfortable with me. I hope some of that helps.
Anyway, my H started out telling me he knew OW wasn't good for him. But I noticed he couldn't give her up just yet. We were separated at that time. Things were getting worse with her and her drinking but he still was trying to get comfort from her. Finally I just told him I had better things to do and started go out with an old MF. I didn't have any romantic feelings for MF but it was a distraction. After a couple of weeks H missed me and called. I was out with MF and my son told him I was out with a friend. Finally H figured it out and started calling my cell phone frantic. He didn't want me to be with anyone else and that was truly the end of OW. Now I'm not saying go out and get yourself a "friend", I'm just saying what happened to me. Even though OW was gone, we stayed separated for another 8 months. Once I saw her car in the morning at a bar my H went to. I couldn't help it, I called his cell phone and he didn't answer. I kept calling and finally after a couple of hours I left an accusing message. Boy was he mad. He had left his phone in a friend's car and hadn't even been at that bar.
