STILL morphing 4

[sage]

Why would anything I say or do make him feel hopeless when he is in the drivers seat?

Well I can't answer for your h or for my h exactly but I'm guessing that it's because they feel like no matter what they do, whatever pace they do it at, it will never be enough to make up for what happened. OR (or maybe AND), while they may be in the "driver's seat", so to speak, about the A, they are NOT in the driver's seat in reference to forgiveness and putting the past behind.

I think my h has also somewhat accurately surmised that less than 50% of my insecurity is actually directly related to him or what he's done...the rest of it comes full force from my brain, my insides...I sense that you can relate given your next post about xow's car window...that insecurity is a function of YOUR brain, deb, and while we could both say, well, yah, h contributed to it, well, the holding onto it is still up to you.

Believe me, I'm not "judging" or "admonishing" you for this in the least...some weeks ago you asked me about how I got rid of my ow insecurity and I was going to post "what makes you think I have?" but I got sidetracked...my brain still tries to torture me occasionally but, simply put, I choose not to act on it and work hard on my "as if" attitude on tough days. The toughies are far fewer and further between than they used to be but they are still there.

Sage