Hi Sage, thanks....you are right, and I needed to be reminded, feelings are just feelings and they don't have to be acted on.
I was surprised at how hard it was to have all those old memories come flooding in, and by how distinctly they were triggered by looking at those old checks. Amazed is more like it.
I guess another way to look at it, if I can get to that point, is that they are a very stark and definite sign of just how far we HAVE come....things ARE different now...in fact if I just remember to keep my focus on the "good stuff", there is a lot that I never would have believed possible a year ago.
S commented this morning about how H "talked and talked with you last night", an unsolicited observation based I think on the fact that the poor kid couldnt get a word in edge wise. I believe, though I didnt ask S because I don't want to involve him, that this is the type of convo H used to have w/ow that S would overhear...??????
Now that I think of it, H even mentioning our Anniversary and the fact that he would not go to a workshop that weekend is a big plus....in fact, it means that H brought up our Anniversary, albeit in a kind of round-about-way.
I think I'm about through with the sorting out of receipts/old checks; now it's mostly a matter of just adding stuff up...so hopefully that is the worst part of it.
Not bringing up anything at all does seem to be the most successful. In fact I did a lot of self-talk last night to remind myself of that. I can't figure out why that seems to make such a positive difference, it seems so counter intuitive, as does much of DBing. But it only makes sense to do more of what seems to work.
when I get time, I'm going to try to list out positives/improvements, some new/refocused goals, and answers to a question JJ asked me a long time ago: If you knew ow was gone from your lives for good and completely, what would you be doing differently than what you are now". I've thought and thought about that, some ideas have taken root, but it will be good/helpful I think to post them out here. It may be next week before i get much done, though.
