Guess I'll take a minute to update...not a lot going on at the moment....maybe that's good. I am so much wanting to let myself think that MAYBE h is truely starting to come out of replay and begin to reconnect. I don't know if i dare to think that (no expectations!)
He seems to be pretty positive and.....happy and contented. there was a time when I never thought i'd say that about him. Last night when he came home after his 12-hour day, he just sat his briefcase on the stairway, got some food, sat down at the dining room table, and.....talked....to me....for almost an hour and 1/2. he didnt even go upstairs to take out his contacts or change clothes. Didnt rush to go work out....just sat down and "jabbered" about his day, etc.. We NEVER EVER used to do this...
Earlier this week, I mentioned that I was going to take on screening in part of the porch as a project this summer, that I'd gone to the home store and figured out how to do it and it wouldnt be that tough or expensive. His first reaction was "why would we want that?" I told him so it would be private enough to molest him...he looked pretty shocked and said "no!"...I just laughed and said "ok, think of it like this then, fly-free, mosquito-free, cat free place to just sit and chat"....that got his approval, he said, "then we could just enjoy the porch furniture without having to fight the hassles"! and seemed to warm up to the idea. Then I showed him a picture of an artificle stream in a gardening magazine, and mentioned how neat it was and that we should do that. He said "where would we put one?" instead of what a stupid idea or how much work, etc, as he usually would. I mentioned the granite rocks were like in the river where we vacation, and he said "we could take the truck and bring some back". All just dreaming, but I cant help but think/hope that his even participating in the dreaming is a good sign.
Tonight I only saw him for a few minutes before I had to leave to bring S to class, but he chatted about his day, and actually asked me how my day was. He emailed me 1st this morning.
I noticed also within the last week, the cell phone bill went down a little, and he didnt spend as much money at the gas station as he has most often (he used to buy phone cards to call ow when he bought gas, don't know if he does anymore or not because I quit checking)
I've also noticed, and this is kind of odd, I havent a clue what it could mean, that in the last month or so, he's been talking a lot about his old girlfriend, the one who broke his heart before we met by cheating on him. I havent a clue why he's talking about her all at once, but he sure is and I havent heard her name for a long time.
Also within the last month, he seems to be strangely more satisfied with work. he has been talking the last 2 weeks about how he is back to just focusing on doing good therapy in each session, and not worrying about the paper work part of it, that he just has accepted that he'll do that on the weekends, and that he is able to enjoy his work again by doing it that way. I would think he was just blowing smoke at me about it to keep me off his trail to ow when he says he's working, but he IS much more content emotionally, more enthusiastic, about work. He cant' fake that.
I read leftandnowhy's new thread earlier, and she talked about learning to listen to her H's emotions. maybe that's what's going on here.
It's hard not to get my hopes up. but, in the meantime, things really are better than they were for a long time.
S is going home with D and SIL for spring break, which means we'll have some alone time, even though it will be during the week. I'm anxious to see how that goes.
I am also going to drive 8 hours to pick S up, I don't want D driving 16 hours.....I will invite H to go with me, but let him know it's ok if he doesnt....we'll see how that goes. Remember ow needing him to go with her to drop off her D just before xmase on a trip exactly the same length because she couldnt do it on her own???? I told H at the time that was manipulation to keep him involved and cause trouble, he couldnt see it. so, don't know what message that will send him....obviously D and I can do it on our own....
anybody have any "reading" on this stuff??
and so the story continues....D and SIL will be home about 9 tonight, we havent seen them since 1st week of December, poor S is so excited he is beside himself. I think he's missed them the most of all of us.
