(((Deb!))) Hugs to you! I am SO sorry that you are so sick!
Quote: I just gotta keep the blankets over my head until I can think straight again.
I think that this is a VERY good idea .. figuratively and otherwise! Try to focus on just YOU .. and getting yourself better. Give yourself a break. "Drop" everything (thoughts/obsessing) that has to do with H and/or OW and just concentrate on yourself!! (That's an order! )
Hi Deb - Hope you feel better soon. Cut yourself some slack, ok - its tough dbing while unwell. Just pamper yourself a bit, and next time H offers to run an errand, take him up on it - give him the chance to put you first!
I figured you must have been really sick, since I didn't get any emails from your thread for awhile. Then...I realized it had locked and you started a new one.
Anyway, I think you should just zonk out on cold medicine, and stay in bed for a few days. It could be a sign that you need to "check out" of the world for awhile...the body tends to shut down when you need some time off...
Don't know if you will be on-line today or not but I thought I would add my GET WELL wishes to the list!
If the doctor told you to get rest (off work) for a week then that is exactly what you need to do! No "buts" about it!
I know exactly how bad it feels to be so physically down and not have an attentive husband at your every beck and call. But that's his deal and about all you can do is pity him for missing out on the chance to show his love...because he wants to, he's just too stubborn to do it.
Get in bed with a good book, doze off when you feel like it and take this opportunity to really pamper yourself! You deserve it.
Hi all, thanks for your well wishes...I'm back at work today, running about 50% and still not feeling very well. I literally slept away most of last week, and still have a cough and am dizzy and headaches, no fever though.
It was a weird weekend. Friday was H's b-day, he'd said he didnt want much done for it, signed himself up to be out of town at a workshop all that day, then to go to a clinical staff meeting when he got back into town from the workshop before coming home, so I didnt even see him till 8 pm on his b-day! I was really sad and down, it just felt so lonely not to see him then, and of course not feeling well multiplied it by about 300X. I managed to say not one word about ow, was she going with him, all my usual "workshop rantings"...just told him I'd see him when he got home, and that we'd have a "little treat", gave him a good bye kiss and hug and saw him out the door. I was pleased to see however that he wore his regular "whitey tighties" instead of his black "workshop underwear" that morning.... ; When I got out of bed that morning he did say "just a minute". left the room, went downstairs and brought coffee up to me. I was surprised, and commented what a sweet and loving gesture that was, and he said "I was going to, I didnt think you were getting up now". When he got home that evening, S and I and H had his favorite cheesecake with candles on it, we gave H a few CD's we'd gotten him, and H asked "are you going to sing happy birthday to me" so S and I did, off-key and sounding awful, but we all laughed. H seemed to enjoy it. When we went to bed, H initiated ML, I was surprised I felt like it but I did (he even asked); H was really horney, don't know if that's good/bad/in between. I'd taken a shower in the evening, and not bothered to put on a bra, just had a t-shirt on. I didnt even think anything about it, but evidently H noticed it quite a bit. Something to recall for needy situations, I guess.
Saturday AM, H went to "work", as usual, we went to church, then watched a movie at home. We hadnt done that for a while, and it was fun.
Yesterday I felt pretty crummy again, didnt do much, H commented that I'm "weirdly clingy" when I don't feel well....I'm sure I am, I know the world just seems weird to me. H commented that Saturday I'd been "almost back to your old self" I asked him what that self is like, and he commented, "joking and laughing and more fun". i am so frustrated and bored with being sick. H keeps encouraging me to take it easy so I get better faster. I tell him I miss the fun we have when we are feeling well, and he said he did to. I perhaps almost strayed into R talk, but I told him thought we'd been doing really well together lately, before I got sick, and he agreed. I'm just aware that my perceptions are skewed all over the place right now. Glad to know he felt we were doing well, also. I think he was sincere.
We were supposed to go to his folks for his b-day for dinner yesterday evening. H called them and cancelled it. he said on Friday he was going to. On Saturday he called and left a message for them, and then yesterday afternoon confirmed that they got his message we wouldnt be coming out.
Something weird has been going on w/his folks though, and kinda with this whole b-day thing. I've really had the impression he wanted to avoid this b-day (50)...duh--scheduling himself out-of-town, etc., He's seemed pretty angry about his entire life here the last month-6 weeks or so, and just in a raging fury about work. this weekend, get this, he made the comment that several other potential employers werent any better, and if he could just get Tuesdays at the out-of-town office, he'd be perfectly happy with his work life??????????????!!!!!!WTF????? He's been ranting and raving and raging for weeks.
He now seems to be very angry at his parents (again)...for how they've treated and discounted him and interfered in his life in the past where they shouldnt have. He talked quite a bit about how his mother gave his old gf advice (this is the one who broke his heart by cheating on him just before I met him) that was destructive when she should have never gotten involved in their relationship. I never heard about this before in all these years, but remember last week or the week before he mentioned something about that old relationship, which I hadnt heard of before. This has to be some kind of mlc stuff...is it possible he's going back through all his replay issues again???? Didnt I read that somewhere that they do that, or is it a figment of my tormented mind?
On Saturday, I had a brief moment of feeling better, and was flirty and "handsy" with him...He told me I'd better stop, it wasnt a good time to "get things going", so I did, but I laughed and mentioned how ironic it was that he was the one tellng me to stop...I did something I shouldnt and mentioned how it used to always be the other way around, and he said he remembered, and that those were aggravating and frustrating times...guess I am pretty demented to stumble into reminding him of that.
Yesterday afternoon when I got up from a nap though, I made a pass at him, and he happily took me up on it.
he seems to be coming down with some of this crap, though, so we may still have a long haul ahead of us. I am struck by how much more difficult it makes it to keep things on an even, positive flow when one or both are feeling physically down.
Plus, poor S's sick lizard died Thursday night, and he has been so upset. the poor thing, we thought she was doing better and she was to go back to the vet Friday, and she just ....died.
One thing i've noticed and thought I'd post...I know everyone here has gotten tired of hearing me anguish about H wearing his wedding ring. Well, I've noticed that within about the last 2 months, he seems to take it off as soon as he gets home. weird. it makes no sense to me. I cant help but wonder if he's afraid he'll forget to take it off when he'll be where ow might see him. I know, I know, keep my hands off the rope, but I cant help wonder.
Of course I see ow's vehicle with the os-so cute little yellow teddy bear on the dash here at work, and it's hard for me not to get all worked up over it. Of course, it would be a perfect way to play into her hands to get all worked up over it!!!!!
When will this EVER end? and will it ever be able to end unless and until H is willing to give me the support and assurances I need to know that it is really over with them. It's hard for me to comprehend why it is more important for him to not upset her than to not upset me.....
Does his birthday cancelation sound like he's going back through the replay stuff again?????
I havent had an email from him since before lunch today,
After months of being AWOL from the boards I just had to peek in and see what was up and yours was the first thread that I read.
I have been db-ing on my own but things are not looking so hopeful, and it seems like a divorce is probably imminent. It has been two years now with OW and H, and things have deteriorated to the point where he is supporting her financially but not us. What a mess.
I have been getting a life though - doing some freelance writing now and substitute teaching.
One day in the near future I will either post to my old thread or start a new one.
I have thought of you guys often, but I just didn't have the emotional energy to invest here if that makes any sense.
Hi Pam, it is good to hear from you, I've thought of you often and wondered how you were doing. I"m sorry to hear things are not going in direction you would prefer. I had hoped that things were doing well for you. I have to say though that it sounds like they are going well in other areas besides your H.
I'm still here (obviously) some days I think doing great, other days I think I don't have a snowball's chance in hell and am just being a fool. For right now, I think I've pretty much dropped the rope w/H/ow....although it's hard, I've tried to shut that out of my mind and just get on with life. So I'm not 100% sure what's up with that. I THINK it's ratcheted down, but who knows. I work really hard to make no mention what so ever of it, and then plan to reassess my sitch in late June. So, I guess we shall see.
I do know ow is in trouble here at work, all on her own, and I can't help but worry that she has a large negative impact on H ( I know she does)...
Sometimes I think I see glimmers of hope that H is coming through his MLC, other times I'm overwhelmed with despair that it is futile and taking for ever and will never end. But, I'm still here.
Trying to think what to update you, I guess main thing that's happened is 2 days before xmas I found out H went with ow to (supposedly) take her D to meet XH, 8-hour road trip, and OF COURSE the poor incompetent boob cant function on her own, so H drives to work so I'll see his vehicle here, lies about being sick to the office, and then sneaks off to her place I guess. The s--t hit the fan when I found out, I started to pack, left the house for most of the night (just drove around) left for a day at a time several times over xmas break, upset S terribly, S told me his Dad bawled the whole night I was gone...a real night mare time. I emphasized that I don't intend to live with this forever, hope H got it through his head. don't know if he has, he's told me several times "it's over, you won" (some game, huh?) but I don't know how I'm supposed to believe that.
D is now married and lives out of state, don't know if you knew that. S misses her terribly, and so life goes on. I've been sick with flu-stuff for almost a month now, and am REALLY tired of it.
I'll be watching for your update. Hope your boys are doing well.
Hi Dawn...I meant to get back to you yesterday and didnt get that done. I had to laugh about the "what did you expect to happen" comment....ummmmm.....I don't know, that his not being sick would rub off on me??????
I am feeling really irritable right now, I guess I'm just tired of being sick, I'm not sick enough to be home in bed but really don't feel well, the weather is dark and dreary, and even the way the hair lays on the back of my neck is getting on my nerves. I think H is about as irritable becuase of not feeling well also. Not a recipe for marital bliss in the best of stichs, I must say. Yuck....time to tread carefully.
I don't know, sometimes I feel like we've made progress, other times, especially now, it seems like it's all for naught and a waste of time. Part of that today stems from (I think) the fact that last night I was sorting through a folder of some old papers and came across the email he sent me last year, Feb. 12, about Valentines day and how he'd go to his folks with S and be home around 5 and we'd have a special evening, maybe I could get champagne, etc., HA! I found out later he dumped S at his parents at 8 am and spent the day w/ow and then came home to me. It still hurts when I think about it.
I don't know, I guess I see an over all, ever so slow, change in his attitude, I remember so distinctly how odd he was when he came home that day, very quiet and withdrawn and sitting in a chair in the family room very absorbed in his thoughts. I remember how he used to say he didnt believe I loved him, he was just a paycheck and piece of furniture (ow encouraged him to believe that, I know)...now, within the last 2 weeks or so, I slipped up and said "do you know I love you?" and put my arms around his shoulders...he looked me in the eye and said "yes"...he does look me in the eye more, even looks S in the eye more, S has mentioned this. H initiates sex, and hasnt been complaining for several months that it is "a chore"; I recall last year at his b-day time giving him a card that said "nice butt" in addition to a romantic card, and somehow we had a huge fight, he pitched that card on the floor and accused me of lying and all kinds of weird, incomprehensible stuff. This year, I gave him a card that has a little boy and girl on a swing, and it says "you're my most favorite thing.....ever" I told him I thought it was cute, and that the sentiment fit exactly. He agreed it was cute, and I saw him looking at the card again several days later.
Now we set at the dining room table and talk almost every evening. last night when he came home from work at 8:30, we talked until almost 10. We NEVER used to do that. I was trying to think when it started, and I cant remember, but I know that was one of my teeny tiny goals way back when. The kinda neat thing is, he pulled up a chair (I was sitting there doing my breathing treatment) and just started talking, before he went upstairs to change clothes or anything... Something else was different last night, I pray that MAYBE it is a small sign of progress through his mlc...I remember about 2 months ago he said he was praying for motivation, at home and at work....well, last night, and for about the last week, he was actually excited about work, about successes with some of his cases and about some of the young/new therapists coming to him for input/suggestions.
So, I don't know, I'm just blithering here in my irritable state, whistling in the dark I guess, but does ANY of this sound like progress to anybody?
I guess I've made progrss...I do like myself better...MOst of the time I look better, and I think I'm a more appealing/pleasant person, more like the "old me" (the old/old me, the good one!).....before I got lost somehow.....bleh, I guess I'll stop blithering and get to work...I'm sure behind there!
) 
It could be a sign that you need to "check out" of the world for awhile...the body tends to shut down when you need some time off...