Thanks Dawn and Ellie, for pointing that out to me, yes, you're right, H does need to just vent some right now. and I KNOW that he's not "up" for rationalizations from me. I know that. I just gotta stamp it deep into my brain and as you say, validate his feelings. I've always felt that is one thing that I've done that's worked well with him, you see, I'm convinced he grew up in a home where certain feelings were absolutely forbidden....
Last night when he got home from work, I had passed out - literally- in bed and not taken care of the animals; I had dreamed that I did, so weird. H was angry and upset about that, but calmed down and we sat and talked for about an hour.
Now, the reason I passed out is, I miss read the dosing instructions and took a double dose of prescription cough syrup. That stuff worked like a charm for sleep. I guess it's a good thing I finally broke down and went to the Dr., I have a sinus infection, pneumonia, AND and "influenza-like" virus. She did a screen for "flu" which came up negative, but she said they are about 30% false negative and she thinks that's what it is. So, anyhow, I'm ordered home from work for the week, have antibiotics, cough syrup, 3 different kinds of breathing treatments, and still feel like crap. I think I'm a tiny bit better today, so that's encouraging.
H was warmer when he got home from work tonight, asked if he should bring S to class, I told him I could and it would do me good to get out for a while, so he said ok. talked about work, I told him I miss the "fun" we have when we both feel well, and he said he did too, "but we'll get back there".
Right now I feel so lousy, I think I'm doing good to just let things lie and not stir them up into a firey frenzy. I was so down last night, and wanted, frankly, sympathy from H, which he didnt seem to have to give. best I could do was crawl under the covers and stay there, which I managed to do. As I said, H is warmer tonight, so maybe that's the way to handle it.
I told S that I have a hard time not obsessing about "stuff" when I feel so crappy. S commented that "I really think things are pretty good mom, it's not at all like back when he couldnt make eye contact with any of us and complained about being sick ALL the time". Interesting observations from a kid, obviously he picks up on the same "vibes" I do.
Wish me luck guys, I just gotta keep the blankets over my head until I can think straight again.
