I worked in a group home for deliquent boys. We had pleanty of rules / requests in your situation, that did not work. The problems were mostly that we had poor way to impliment the rules.
As a team, and with other grouphome managers, we decided to simplify the rules, make them "VERY CLEAR" and have enforcable consequences that had to be applied to "every rule infraction." Some kids worked for stars on their daily evaluations, other kids thought stars were signs of being on the enemys side, some kids only responded to severe punishment like going back to reform school / juvinile delequent semi-lock up.
Though, your case is not a grouphome type relationship with your spouse, some relationships will not change much unless someone sees they have something to gain or something to lose for not at least negoating some changes.
You have to see what works or does not work in your situation. No rewards or no consequences does not work. Take it slow, get him to buy in to rebuilding the Marriage. If what you try does not work, try something else. Measure the results.
