Journey, don’t underestimate your H’s attraction to who you are. I think we all pick partners based on some traits that draw us to them, even though we spend a lot of time trying to change them. Your H is drawn to your depth, just as mine is drawn to my fire.
I think we cannot really change into what our partner wants us to be. All that does is breed resentment. What we can do is grow into people that can offer their partners what they want from a position of inner strength, integrity and love instead of insecurity and resentment. Its back to the PM principles.
I too have a part of me that I don’t like. I have a lot of drive, ambition and passion. I have the capacity to become ruthless and brash. Both my mother and my H have correctly assessed this about me. I sense their disapproval, and this is what causes my ambivalence about myself. As the years go by, I have been realizing that there is nothing wrong with drive or ambition, if they are put to good use, and I operate from a position of strength and kindness rather than selfishness. This is true of all my relationships, professional and personal. The road to achieving that kind of potential is ahead is still long, though. In the meantime, you are right - it is all a balancing act.
