Julie, I have been having the same thoughts. There is a part of me that I don't like, and this corresponds to the part of me that my mother and my H don't like about me. They both would prefer( in different ways) that I be more "out there" and rahrah-ish. I always felt more of a kindred spirit with my dad who really likes my depth and views of the world. I know my H appreciates me...he is always calling and checking in to see what I have to say about things, but my feeling is he'd rather have more of a type 7 wife. I'm not throwing a pity party because I realize that there are parts of H I'd like to change and I haven't reach a point of total acceptance of who he is.
How much do you change to become the person your partner wants you to be? I don't want to lock myself in my 4ishness to prove a point, nor do I want to change to be something I am not. It's something of a balancing act. I guess I want to be able to talk to him about these issues...that creates intimacy for me. But beyond that, I want to feel his love and acceptance, quirks and all...and I need to provide that for H and for myself as well.