Hairdog, Your thread was one I followed while lurking. I may be way out of line and looking through my own lenses too much. But many times I find that the problems between my SO and I are a result of similarities rather than differences. I see lots of similarities between you and your wife in your posts. That probably makes you cringe. Sorry about that.
Forget your wife for now though. How do YOU feel about yourself when you do something you recognize is irresponsible? How do YOU feel about yourself when you lie or coverup? I am going to read your mind now. closing eyes, doing vulcan mind meld Is it possible that you don't much like this part of yourself? It's embarrassing that your W knows this part of you and doesn't like it either? Maybe you are dealing with your discomfort with this part of yourself by returning the focus to her? (Doesn't your wife have a way of blaming you for her bad behavior? Ahhhhh, similarities)
I agree that timing about all this is interesting. You came back to the site to get support/advice when your W brought up something about you that maybe you do recognize as real change you need to make. Let the defensive barriers down for a minute. Remember it is actually a position of strength, not weakness, to confront oneself honestly and admit mistakes and try to fix them. How do you feel about that? Will you respect yourself more if you confront this part of yourself? (It doesn't have to have anything to do with your W if that makes it easier to do.)
