I haven’t posted to you before and I know I’m jumping in a bit late, but this topic is particularly relevant to me. I finished reading “Tell Me No Lies” by Ellyn Bader a couple of months ago and a section of that book screamed out to me when reading your situation.
It sort of falls in line with Nops post from above, and Bader labels the concept the “Lie Invitee.” Basically, that some people “invite” lies in a number of different ways through there reaction to the truth (i.e., disproportionate anger, heavy-handed punishment, unwillingness to forgive, or an expressed desire for an alternate response).
I must admit that your story really hit home with me. I have told “white” lies to my W in the past because I feared the wrath the would be unleashed. I have worked really hard not to ever let this happen again.
Nops concept is dead-on (although I might quibble with the wording). If Mrs. HD wants to hear the truth then she has to be willing to react in a way that invites it. Not to say that she can’t get angry or upset that you forgot to do something you promised to, but that she has to be willing to accept your apology and move on.
Definitely sounds like a topic for your next session of MC. Good luck.
