I am big on taking responsibility for yourself--good and bad. Perhaps just coming clean with her and telling her that you have never been the type of person to lie (call a spade a spade and knock it off with the intentional withholding of truth business, imo) and you would very much like her help in eliminating this troublesome dynamic that is creeping up in your R. You want her to be able to trust your word, I'm certain of that.
She does play a big part in all of this, but I wouldn't dare say that! You are married to a person who expects perfection--and uses her anger and hostile personality to keep you in line--but has zero tolerance for anyone getting angry over HER shortcomings. So while you know lying to your wife about anything is wrong, I sense some resentment creeping up because she clearly does not keep her promises to you, wrt to your love life.
However, I don't think this is the time to bring all that up. Just apologize for the lie and promise to not do it again. And then don't.
I might be tempted to try and enlist her help..you know..."I don't know why I have started doing this in my forties but I do know that I am deathly afraid of you being angry at me. I'm not blaming you for my own dishonesty, just saying stating that I will need your help in overcoming this tendency. If I spend all my time dreading the moment when I fcuk up, I will get so internally freaked out that I may do something stupid. Look. I am NOT perfect. I screw up and forget things. You can't eat off the toilet when I'm done cleaning it. I need you to understand and accept that. As for myself, I need to face the music, no matter what. I'm sorry for lying. I can see how it erodes your ability to trust me and relate to me as an adult."
For now, though, just apologize and make a mental note to stay on the high road. Hairy, I am a screwup too. I forget things and have a tendency to be absent minded. If my H reacted with the vitriol that your W does, I'd be scared shiitless most of the time, of being caught.
She knew what she was getting into with you, right? I mean, your nature should not come as a surprise to her after 5 years together.
OTOH, she has a right to expect honesty from her mate.
Give it to her.
And then you can eventually bring up her anger with the C and MrsHD can learn that hostility breeds fear in those around you and fear can lead to stupid behavior.
