Hi Folks. I've been trying to work out a lot of things on my own lately, so I've just been poking my head in here now and then. Now, I need to figure some stuff out. First, some background.
MC has been going well...the C is very good. One of my W's complaints is that she doesn't feel safe enough to open up to me emotionally and physically, because of my actions. For instance, she brings up some intentional withholding of truth (she calls it "lying") about our financial situation, which I did when I was handling finances. I didn't tell her about the situation because I thought I could fix it before she found out that we were financially tighter than it appeared. When she found out, she was more upset about me lying to her than the actual financial sitch.
Fast forward to this week when she was out of town from Tuesday night until last night. In the evenings, she is usually responsible for giving our three dogs pills. I usually take over this responsibility when she is unable. While she was gone this time, I didn't do it...I forgot.
When she got home last night, she was giving the pills to the dogs and she asked if I had done so. I outright lied and said, "yes." She knew I hadn't, because one new bottle hadn't been opened , and another bottle had had only two or three pills left on Tuesday.
Why did I lie? I think because I didn't want to disappoint her and didn't want her to be mad at me. Instead, she caught me in this lie and said, "Now we're back to square one." She says she can't trust me to tell the truth about anything, and, even though this is a little matter (pills), she wouldn't be able to tell if I was lying about big things, either. She is pissed, big time. She even was saying that she might just "give up," whatever that means.
I feel I have to be perfect in order to please her. My fear of her disappointment over not giving the dogs their pills led me to an even bigger sin -- lying.
I feel like a real jerk for lying. But I also feel like I torpedoed our progress toward a healthy relationship.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Don't be afraid to beat me up for lying.
