I hereby designate KEB as my agent. I was trying to frame a response to the question above when I refreshed the page and saw that KEB had stated exactly what I was thinking.
This has been traumatic. I've suffered. I've learned from the suffering. I now know what I need to do and will continue to to do it for fear of reliving this experience.
As for the return of the hobby. It simply cannot return. I now regognize that it is an unacceptable dangerous behavior. Sometimes I have the urge to hit my wife. I don't because I know it is wrong and there would be serious consequences in so doing. I control the urge and just don't. I figure MB can be the same way.
Plus, deprived of MB, I know I won't go longer than two weeks before I can think of nothing other than sex. Thinking about sex makes me sexualize my wife. As long as I tell her what's going through my mind, she'll know I'm thinking of her as an object of sexual desire.
So, there are no garentees for the future. But habits can be changed in such a way as to set me up up for future success.
Now the only issue is getting my wife confident enough to jump on board.
I wish I could trade places with your husbands. I wish my wife was still giving me a chance to change.
But then, maybe it takes the trauma of this event to make it stick.
Also, I feel the need to correct the record: I don't think I can be legitimately labled LD. When I bought SSM, I actually thought I was HD and my wife was LD. Something in my head just clicked when I read the book that made me realize that I was low performance (lazy) not that I needed a low number of sex acts in a given weeks. I would say my comfort level is between 2 and 4 times a week. I think my wife is probably at about the same place. We've just been doing it alone because of a lack of clear communication.
I'm hoping to try to convince my wife to take up the no MB policy to see if her desire for me similarly goes up. Unfortunately, I don't have much influence over her right now.
