KEB, If you gave more to the household, you gave more. No need to sound reproachful about it! If this is an area which needs to change, then play your cards right and bring it up when the time is right.
I think this is where resentment comes from...you feel that you do more for the R but here she is harping on you and threatening to leave. So lemme ask you this: Have you told her clearly what you want and need? How has she reacted to this?
My H never really told me clearly what he wanted or needed. What he would do is get mad at me if I didn't do something. So I always find out in retrospect what his needs are. I'm sure you can see how frustrating that is to me. AND, even after I say "So H, you want me to make sure the house is spotless every day when you come home, is that it?" He will backpedal and say, Noooo you don't have to do that..I know how crazy that is to try and make it look as if we don't have kids. I'm wrong. Don't spend your time doing that.
But then danged if he isn't ticked off about it the very next day.
I learned the hard way that his needs might not ever be stated loudly and clearly and definitively. If you are doing this to your wife, please don't. It is not a pleasant thing to have the feeling that you can never please someone because they keep changing the rules on ya.
I think needing the WOA about your contributions to the household is perfectly legitimate and she SHOULD give that to you. Like I said, you will know when the time is right to ask for what you want--I'd guess that now is not it, but soon enough, eh.
Now, to hijack for my own purposes, lol, could you go into more depth about the not man enough thing? My H (like all LDH's I imagine) has used that exact phrase many many times. In what ways do you feel inadequate and how does that manifest itself in your interactions with your wife? Is it mainly in your head (your own insecurities) or is it something that she is doing or saying? In my situation I believe it was both--I made him feel insecure by bringing up other men who'd surely want me, and he did it to himself (I'm guessing).
One final question: Have you given any thought about what your love language is? How do you prefer to be given or shown love?
Sorry for the whacks. I didn't mean them to be hard ones. I probably came off more pissy than I intended as I was absolutely fuming that my D2 unrolled an entire roll of TP and stuffed it down the toilet while I was taking a shower. (I heard her saying, I'm doing it all by myself, Mom! but I didn't yet know what "it" was )
)