Honey--
See, this is where I get into trouble. I say things that I THINK make sense...but in hind-sight they don't. No wonder, I find myself in the situation that my M is in!! And, I'm much worse at making my points in person!!! OI-VEY!

Quote:

It sounds like you are saying that she had no right to complain about the lack of sex because you are such a great husband in all the other areas?

Is that right?

Or are you saying that the lack of sex shouldn't overshadow all of your good qualities?



I'm definitely not saying she didn't/doesn't have a right to complain about lack of S because I'm such a good guy . But, it is frustrating that all those good qualities can't help compensate for my one, main downfall. Does that make sense!?

Now, I'm going to step out on the limb here (and I'm putting on the armor). In our situation, I felt (felt being the operative word) that I gave more to this relationship than her. However, in some of our R discussions, she's made it clear about the things she did/does to keep our household running--things that I took for granted. But, if you are asking about concretes--she could be more appreciative about the things I do for our kids. She could step outside of her comfort zone to find a job that provides more financial stability. She could let her guard down and release some of her inhibitions with regard to personal intimacy...such as trying to lick my ear or perform oral activities. Those are just a few things...are they concrete enough?

So now I proceed with my tail between my legs. I make the comments I do...out of deep well of self-protection. I am still very raw when it comes to the whole not being "man-enough" thing...so, I attempt to joke about it. But, I see your point. I'm sure I don't exude the confidence or true nature of my understanding in regard her REAL and stated needs. So, I here-by pledge to you (not to her, yet) that I will no longer downplay her wants, needs and hurts as it relates to her sexuality. And I will work to establish a solid and achievable goal of becoming THAT person for her.

Thanks for the reality check and the good solid WHACK!
K