It sounds like you are saying that she had no right to complain about the lack of sex because you are such a great husband in all the other areas?
Is that right?
Or are you saying that the lack of sex shouldn't overshadow all of your good qualities?
Because it is one thing to say that you gave more to the R, and it is another to say that you did "a lot" and she should be appreciative of it.
Do you or don't you feel that she should do more either for your household or your relationship? In what concrete ways could she improve?
I am 'interrogating' you only because this is the style of communication I have with my husband. He will hint that I should do something different and then when I press the issue he'll say, Oh I just meant blah blah.......and sidestep the whole thing.
I am left confused..wondering if he really DOES believe he gives more and, if so, how can I up my own share in the ways that will mean the most to him; or, if he believes that it is equal and I just need to appreciate him more, then okay I can do that.
See what I mean? It is easy to want something "more" or "different" but really have no clue how to clearly articulate that to our partners. I suspect your wife is going through the same thing, with respect to her sexuality.
Also, get ready, here comes a whack. You gotta stop saying that she wants a stud, a lover, a may-un, etc. I know you are saying this in a "kidding but not really" type of way. WE all may get what you are doing but even if you never speak a word of this to your wife, your attitude about her motives will leak through. She will know that you secretly deride her need to find the intimate connection with a man. Quite simply, you have no right to deride this need of hers. You had the chance to BE this man to her and you chose not to.
Now you have a chance to un-do that damage but first you will have to say to yourself, I don't blame her for wanting to be validated sexually--that is a normal human need. And then you will be oozing all the right stuff from your brain down to your toes and everywhere in between and there will be nothing in you or about you that she senses is contrary to what she needs.
Hang in there, my friend!
Oh and listen....you have a lot of valuable insight to us HDW's. If you see or hear anything that we could be doing differently, please don't hesitate to bring it to our attention, mine especially. I can be dense sometimes and miss the forest due to repeatedly running into trees.
