KEB, One thing I discovered is that I chose my H for a reason. Meaning, there was something about his non-pursuit of me (back in the day) that I liked or evidently was intrigued by, that caused me to pursue HIM.
He seemed to me, at the time, a hard nut to crack. I knew that he liked me..even that he liked me a LOT..but he wouldn't make a move. In turn, I made all the moves for him. He seemed like a challenge. I rose to that challenge.
So it is with a lot of regret that I look back and realize that I've been trying to turn him into Aggressive Man. He never WAS that! What am I thinkin?! If I wanted that, then why didn't I go after all the aggressive fellas that were after me?
The flip side of that equation is, of course, that I was quite sexual when he met and married me. So HE knew what he was getting into, as well. For him to expect that to "slow down as we get older" is a big ASSumption on his part. So it appears that we, like a lot of folks, married each other with the assumption that someday our spouse would change into something more palatable to us. This hasn't happened.
My husband has gotten a lot more bold..mostly he has started to return to his former ways in which he was semi-bold with his sexual agenda. I am loving this! I can't say that I have changed all that much, wrt my sex drive slowing down but the rest of me has slowed down..more tame and "soft" and this seems to appeal to him.
So what I wanted to say was that there is a very good chance she will come to the same realization: That she chose you for a reason. She may want you to become aggressive now, but that is not necessarily a fair expectation.
I think, as women, we are attracted to men's strength, their vim and vigor and vitality. A sexually passive man is counterintuitive to what we have been told is "sexy". It would be as if you were married to a gal who was extremely shy or awkward. Only wore head-to-toe flannel and wouldn't let you see her naked. You may find it hard to see her as "sexy" in the traditional sense because that is not what you have been conditioned to see as sexiness. It takes a while to become accustomed to our partners own sense of sexuality and mold our own to fit with theirs. They must do the same to us, of course.
In practical terms, this probably means that you will HAVE to learn how to be more aggressive and assertive with your wife. This is what she wants and needs out of a sexual partner. She will have to learn to chill a bit and to accept that all signs of desire are good--she must ditch the preconceived way she THINKS you should behave and welcome whatever signs of desire you are able to work towards.
Keep at it. Whatever you are doing, you will get her attention. Be as assertive and CLEAR as you can. One thing that my H would do is cloak his language in a way that could mean several things. Instead of saying, "I want you" he will say "I miss you". Now this could mean, I missed you while I was at work, or I want to verb your noun. Who knows! This kept him within his safe harbor called No Stickee Neckee Out and I was confused. Be clear with her. Do not leave any room for misinterpretation. Learn to act on YOUR feelings and not necessarily what she wants to hear or what you think you should be doing--this will only cause resentment. If she doesn't want to hear your lovely and sexy words, oh well it is her loss.
Now. Most importantly.
Why did you think that you were giving more to the R than she was?
