I don't consider myself homophobic in any way. I'm probably too "gay friendly" in most situations. It goes back to being labeled as "gay" back when I was in school. I wasn't a jock. I was friends with girls (again, thanks to five older sisters). I was a nice dresser. You get the label thrown at you enough...you sometimes begin to wonder. Finally, in early college, I did some soul searching...NO didn't involve men...I just made myself address it head-on...and I knew that it was NOT who I was.
Fast forward to the marriage. She is a performer and as such has many gay friends. Because they were important to her, I learned to be okay with them. It sounds so bad labeling it as "us" vs. "them." Anyway, I grew comfortable in being around guys like that. THEN, starting in our early 30's, important guys in my life started "coming out." In fact, three of my groomsmen are now out. Two of those are the most important male friends in my life...the first is my cousin and the second is my best friend. They are both like brothers to me (since I never had a brother)...so of course, I have to be okay with their lifestyle. It help bridge the gap between us vs. them because these are two people who mean the world to me...and they didn't change their stripes...they just shared with me who they are inside.
So, that turn of events hasn't helped the situation. My W is very close to both of them as well...especially the best friend b/c we all went to school together. I think his coming out was the "nail in the coffin" so to speak. When he started the process of coming out, both my W and I saw the patterns that occurred with my cousin a few years earlier...so, it wasn't a surprise. But, she was so much more wary of my relationship with him. Asking if we had ever...ya know! Of course, the answer is NO! But, she asked more...things like, "When you were college roommates?" Answer still NO! He was always asexual. In fact, we just saw him as R*****...never questioned the sexuality. But, if the timeline she has given me about when she first started to considering leaving is correct, it started right around the time he came out and moved away.
Once he accepted who he was and started living the life...he started "living the life." In fact, he is much too flamboyant for my taste. But, he is my best friend and has been for 26 years...before he was "gay." The same goes for my cousin. He wasn't completely a shock but he was/is a good ol' country boy. He isn't flamboyant and has a partner and is completely settled. But, he is the closest thing to a brother I have...so, I accept him and care about him, too.
Anyway, once again I've probably divulged way more than necessary but I wanted to help provide some background...yet again. Hell, reading this back...I would probably question me, too.
