Quote: Anyway...my point is many of her actions right now are probably in some ways our of self-defense, self-presevation if you will. Is it possible she dwells on the gay issue because it might hurt you?
I'd like to chime in here. I doubt that your W is proposing the "You must be gay" theory because she wants to hurt you, KEB. Rather, she may be proposing this theory because it is the simplest theory that explains your behavior. If you're gay, then your lack of desire for her makes sense. If you're gay and you don't know it, your protestations are a symptom of denial. If you're gay, it's not her fault. If you're gay, she is under no obligation to stay with you, or examine her own role in the marriage's problems. Do you see how neatly it ties up all of her emotional loose ends, making it easier for her to walk out the door?
This is why I think it is important for you to tell her that it is not that simple - that you have some issues to work out to make the marriage successful, and they have nothing to do with whether you like girls. What you are doing now by trying to initiate LM looks to her like a deathbed conversion. If she stays with you how does she know that your changes will be permanent? If you admit that you have a problem, and identify it the best you can, she might have more faith that you are capable of change.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
