Good Morning All-- Well, I broached the subject of ML with my wife last night. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wanted HER. I tried to sneak a peek at her dressing but she hid from me. It all started very light-heartedly. She wanted to know WHY I was interested in watching her dress. I told her it was because I was h0rny--FOR HER!
I explained about the tossing and turning of the night before...how I wanted her SO badly. She asked--in a friendly way--what that would accomplish. I told her that it would help get both of us off. She said it would be detrimental.
Have I mentioned how much she is already mentally out the door? I explained to her what I'd learned about MB and the feminine side...and how I stopped immediately upon reading about that. She laughed and told me to go ahead and MB. I told her I didn't WANT that...I wanted HER!
She wouldn't acquiesce. That was all fine and good. BUT, then it led into a deeper R discussion. She wanted to talk about the note I wrote her. You see, yesterday afternoon...after reading GELs post about the hurt...it really hit me how much she hurt. You guys cautioned about calling...so I didn't. I wrote poem/letter about being sorry for the 4,878 days that we've been together. I also explained how I wanted her free her heart to be happy. I meant it as a way to soften her heart and learn to love again...but love ME. It backfired and she took it to mean that I was finally letting her go. UH-OH! Bad move KEBall!! So, then, I had to sit and try to validate her feelings while making it know that I didn't want to let her go. She was confused and frustrated. I was kicking myself.
Anyway, I went to bed...and she watched the Bachelorette (taped). When she came to bed several hours later I was still awake and my mind was in turmoil. So, after she got settled. I asked if I could ask her some questions. She said yes. So, I held her hand and started.
Let's just say...it went badly. No arguing but I succeeded in pushing her back again. However, we ended up cuddling for a little while. But, she wouldn't have anything to do with my "advances." One thing that happened...when we were talking...she made it know that she is still hanging on the "gay" issue. Something, somewhere has convinced her that I'm unhappy because that's who I really am. I explained once again...that it's NOT me but could feel that I was beating dead horse. Her mind is made up and it's a nice excuse to cling to for her.
Oh well...just another blue morning. Of course, I didn't let her know it. We spooned for 30 minutes or so before I got up.
Okay...sorry for the long post. I gotta get to work! You guys have a GREAT day! K
