Cally, I finally have some time to go back and really read some of the posts here. I wanted to address your comment below:
Quote: I only thought this because I can understand okay he says he just doesn't know why he doesn't have much of a sex drive. But when he masturbates to me that shows he does have desire just for his male hand. If he needed a sexual release which is what masturbation is to me then why would a man not want to turn to his wife for that. Maybe I just clueless. Because the masturbation part has really tore me apart.
Okay...this is hard (no pun intended) and a little embarrassing to admit but I was addicted to MB. I think it started when I was a teenager...I'm not sure. In my M, it became easier than ML.
You've seen my posts. I adore my W and did so many things to please her...even with S, I ALWAYS made sure she was satisfied. I didn't care if I finished or not...and honestly, it was much easier because I didn't have to listen to my mental dialogue asking if I was crushing her or if my breath smelled of onions or if my cologne was too strong. I guess after a while, I became more resentful than I knew...I couldn't express myself to her because I was afraid of appearing ungrateful and unworthy (again, very contradictory to my normal outward nature). It was was just easier to avoid S and just MB because it achieved the same end-result for me.
It had nothing to do with a "man's hand" it was a quick-release thing. I was in COMPLETE control of it and I didn't even have to work at it. It was as simple as that.
THEN, I read in the John Gray book about MB connecting you more to your feminine side. That was a HUGE eye-opener...it helped explain A LOT! I had lost a lot of respect in my W eyes because I already tend toward the F side anyway. I am the primary care giver to our kids (a generally female role). I openly express my emotions (another female role). THEN, this whole MB issue making you more feminine...YIKES!! I stopped the MB right then and there!! It's been over 6 weeks...and as you've also probably read...I am ACHING for S...especially with my W!!
It's amazing what a little information can do to shed light on things. I am hoping to keep building on what I've learned and hopefully it will pay off.
I hope that answers your question. In your case, maybe you could offer to help your H with his MB activities. BUT, you have to be ready to take control...don't be afraid to touch and handle him. If you're tentative or unsure...it can be a HUGE turn-off. I know b/c my W tried to help me achieve a couple of times but she was so cautious it made me self-conscious and uncomfortable. Just a helpful hint!!
I'm blushing because I've said too much...TMI, for sure. But, we're here to help each other RIGHT?
