Honey, Just a bit of background on how she got to be on the pedestal.
I met her when I was 14. I fell in love with her instantly. Of course, we went to different schools, so it was hard to "date." THEN, our freshman year of h.s., we started "going together." She was my first homecoming date. We spent most of the year as a couple. But, not long after the Sadie Hawkins dance, she broke up with me. I was crushed. (I found out, only recently, that she broke-up because I wouldn't kiss her at our Sadie Hawkins marriage--I was just painfully shy back then).
Let me add here that she was/is beautiful with big, blue eyes and long brown hair. Me, well, I look like Shrek...just with a little more hair...and I'm not green.
I continued to have a crush on her throughout h.s. But, she was the cheerleader and I was the band geek. I was her friend and study partner when we had classes together. I would go on quests to do what she wanted. Not that she was that demanding. But, I had to watch from the sidelines as she dated the football players and the BMOC.
During that time, I had girlfriends but mostly just "arm-candy" that I used when I needed someone to make-out with. I'm not proud of this...it's just how I was.
Then, we both went off to college. We would call each other every few months or so. She was living it up and so was I. When we were home together, we'd go out on "dates." We'd hold hands and kiss but that was it. We usually both were dating other people and being the gentleman my mom and sisters trained me to be, I respected the boundaries.
Talking on the phone, we'd often joke about getting married because we were each others' perfect Catholic spouse. Those talks would send quivers of joy through me...but I'd convinced myself that she was just talking. You see, I still had a HUGE crush on her.
Anyway, over Christmas break our senior year of college, we were both "single." So, we dated more seriously. We spent New Year's Eve together that year and I realized how totally, crazy in love I was with her!!! From that point-on, we talked on the phone almost every other day. It still wasn't a complete relationship but it was getting there. I finally got the nerve to ask her to Ring Dance (our college equivalent to Sr. Prom). She said yes.
She came and spent the weekend with me and I planned it down to the very last detail. There was lots of wine and roses. A midnight picnic at the most romantic spot on campus. I actually made her swoon. And I was on CLOUD NINE! I knew that she was the one. When, we went to bed that night, I made my pallet on the floor (again, thinking that I was being a gentleman). She told me that it was okay for me to sleep with her on the bed. So, I did and I was SCARED to death...not because it was sex (I wasn't a virgin)...because it was HER! She told me she trusted me and we had a nice time.
After graduation, we spent several weeks at home together...the longest time in years. We were inseparable because I KNEW she was the one. Then, she had to go away for the summer to perform in a summer stock theater...I went back to finish my last 8 hours of college. We talked daily. And, one day, she was having a TERRIBLE time...car trouble and more. I said to her, "If I was there, I would take care of you." She said, "Really?" I said, "Yeah, if you would let me, I would take care of you for the rest of your life." She said, "You mean...like marry you?" I said, "Yes, that's exactly what I mean."
Okay, so I proposed on the phone. But, I meant it!! She was my ideal and had been for almost 10 years. I knew that the time was right and that I needed to act.
So, you see, the band geek got the cheerleader. Then, he didn't know what to do with her. He knew he loved her more than any one else in his whole life. He had never experienced the depth of love...the closest he had was his family members. So, instead of acting on that love, he put her some place safe to admire her from a far and in the process made her feel used and unloved.
That's my pedestal story. I'm learning more about this and my control issues in C. I just hope I'm not too late.
Thanks for "listening." Hope this explains some things about me. K
