K, I'm learning a ton from your responses too, just thought you'd want to know.
I am a former pedestal dweller myself. I never wanted to be there and I had a helluva time convincing my H that I belonged on the ground, with him. He had a very hard time coming to grips with the fact that he was married to a woman who liked to be f*cked. Nothing pretty or lady like about that, but it's what makes me really feel connected with him.
I too felt like a victim and WAS a victim. I told him what I needed and he ignored it.
In your sitch, I'd say you are both victims. You are both firmly on the ground. You can do this!
Do not overwhelm her with apologies and words. Let your actions be what changes her mind. Then she will know you are serious and you have heard her.
