Quote: I can unoquivocably state...YES, she's felt the victim for a long time. And speaking as a woman who has constantly felt that neglect and pain it goes much deeper than you can possibly imagine.
I'm not trying to feed you a guilt trip here, just trying to help you to understand how she may have felt for a long, long time. There were days that I would cry on my way home from work after I had picked up our S from the sitter...and I just couldn't keep myself from doing it. Why? Because I knew I was going home to someone that basically ignored me and my needs. Who didn't recognize me as a "woman", I was a roommate and a mommy, that was it. I could have done that on my own!! I swear if it weren't for my son there were times I would have gone without smiling for months.
WOW! With those two paragraphs, you just sealed in my mind the extent of my wife's pain. She has said the same things about me seeing her as a mommy, or a sister and a room mate. I heard it but didn't "hear" it.
She is so much more to me. But, I f'ed it up royally didn't I? I only thought I was showing her how much I loved her. But, I was controlling about $$ and she was doing the best she could. Then, I with held myself from her for my own reasons or lack of reasons. MAN! No wonder she's where she is today!
She's been trying so hard to tell me. She would try to bring it up for years but I didn't hear. GEL, I have been a terrible husband. No wonder she wants out.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this too. The thought of her crying herself to sleep or on the way home. It tears my heart out. You see I put her on a pedestal and worshipped her but being worshipped isn't what she wanted. She just wanted love and to feel desired.
It's like the bird in the guilded cage. It's easy to look at the beauty and admire it but inside, the bird is dying because it isn't free. It's the same for her and you and Honey and JJ and all you other women. I'm sure your husbands love you as much as I love my W...we just NEVER understood the depths of what you really needed.
I'm calling my wife to say I'm sorry. I've said it before but only because it's what I was supposed to say. Now, I understand that it's what I NEED to say. It may be too late but for both of our souls, she needs to hear it.
Thank you for the enlightenment. May God truly bless you and strenghten your marriage...you deserve it! K
