KEB,
No ea/pa for me, either, so I can't really advise on what to do about that. I would be upset with her lack of attention towards the kids, but keep following your DB instructions on that one.

As far as our advice being counterintuitive to the DB process, I believe all of Michele's books are based on SBT. That is, if you are doing something and not seeing measurable results, do something different.

Also, you may have to do quite a bit of introspection and see what turns KEB on, what do you like, etc? Is it possible that you have gotten so out of touch with your own sexuality that you wanted to pretend that yours, and hers, didn't exist?

What can you do to bring that back?

What I'm getting at is that your focus...a laser focus, I might add...seems to be on your wife right now. You desire her, you want her to behave a certain way, you can't touch her, blah blah. I think a better way of creating a sexual self is to look inside and act on what YOU want. If you feel like touching her, touch her. If she rebuffs you, hang on to yourself and stay tough. Then try it again the next time the urge strikes. If she asks, let her know that you have spent too long being out of touch with your sexual urges and from now on, she can expect you to act on them. Then do it!
You will know soon enough if this will have a good effect or not.

I know that with my H, I would push him away with more than a few choice words (and I know how to cut him with my words when I wanna ), but I secretly wanted him to keep trying. It was my pride causing me to push him away. When the day came that he could show me desire and I could receive it, it was really a wonderful and healing thing.

So keep at it. Give a lot of thought to what you want and why...who you are, sexually. Try different things and see how they work. Letters are nice because you don't have to risk much, in the face-to-face department. Touching her at night, in bed, is another good thing.

Good luck to you. You are in my prayers!

Honeypot