Wow! Lillie, JJ, GEL and Honey!! I gotta be careful...or at least ready for the response to my remarks around this thread!!

You guys really knocked me around and out of my pity party! It is so helpful to have someone put the realistic spin on what's happening in my W. When I get in my emotional "zone" I tend to see things very narrowly.

You guys definitely helped me broaden my view of things. Our current situation is a two-way street. So, I better get over playing the victim and get busy trying to make some progress.

JJ- On the "kid card," I attempted that just a little when we first started talking about the D. She was furious and said that she would NOT let guilt about the kids keep her in a bad marriage. That really hurt...but I knew not to talk about that subject any more. However, I am still concerned about her lack of interest in what's going on with the kids. I am a VERY involved dad. In fact, I do practically all of the afternoon/evening/weekend kid duty b/c of her work schedule. BUT, lately (yesterday included), she has done things I consider irresponsible (liking missing kids activities) to go do who knows what.

That was my thing yesterday. She backed out of going to the activity because she was going to stay home to straighten, do the grocery run and cook dinner. WELL, she didn't do any of it while we were gone (about 4 hours). Then she lied about what she was doing. That is mainly what had me so upset yesterday. (Go ahead and knock me upside the head ladies--just realize that I'm venting a bit here )

Lillie--The whole sleeping in the same bed thing. We have been sleeping apart for about 5 years now. (Read my thread on Newcomers -- Another WAW Story) Once this happened, my priest told me to catch a clue and start sleeping in the bed with her. So, I did. She doesn't necessarily like it but she does it because she knows it's important to me.

Honey/GEL--I'm confused about the whole acting on the intimacy thing. Isn't that against the whole DB course of action? Aren't I supposed step back? Of course, it's probably a good idea to take the advice of people who've lived this, huh! For the last two nights, I've slept with my hand on her back. Last night I was tossing and turning because I wanted her SO badly...but I'm afraid that if I tried anything, it would be considered a form of rape. I WANT to do the 180's in this department but it's seems to be a tricky line to walk.

GEL--I'm typically assertive in all aspects of my life. Probably too much so...I am pretty controlling actually (not good I know but I'm working on this in C). What I'm finding out though is that I've spent the last 5 years in some form or another of depression which has lent itself to me feeling defeated and less assertive...just more controlling!!! On some level, I knew what was going on but seeking help seemed like the "girlie" thing to do. I had always been able to control my life and to admit there was a problem meant that I had finally failed at it. STUPID, yes! I see it now and it took a full-blown crisis in my life to make me realize that I'm not invincible and that I need help...LOTS and LOTS!

Finally, I'm pretty sure there is some form of EA going on with her. She has always maintained that she keeps fall-back guys in the back of her mind. I have the feeling that she has been talking/emailing these guys. I know she's been talking to her bosses' son-in-law (who is in the process of leaving his wife). I also know that she sent a Valentine's card to someone because she told me. Then, there is the web address for an old rebound guy. He was the person she left when we started dating. He spent several years trying to get her come back to him.

Did you guys have this?

Okay...better get some work done! I'll check back later and try to answer questions or defend my positions better. Remember, BE NICE...I'm fragile NOT!!
K