KEB, I agree with Jenny. If your wife was only out for sex, she would have been gone 13 years ago.
The fact that she has stuck around while her main love language was not being met, is a testament to how much she loves you.
Here is what I would suggest: Stop waiting for her 'permission' to proceed with your shows of desire. See if she starts to soften up a bit if YOU attempt to be the "stud" in her life. Do a 180, in other words.
Maybe you could write her a sexy letter every Friday, and guage the results and see how it goes. Expect the first couple ones to be met with derision. After that, I would expect that she would start to soften and at least be interested in what you have to say.
I was very much in your wife's shoes. So angry that I couldn't--and didn't want to--hear anything that my H had to say with respect to my desirability. He forfeited the right to talk about how much he desires me when he went years neglecting me sexually.
But when he started paying me sexual attention again (when I was rebuffing him, just like your W) I couldn't help it..I just felt myself melting within. I couldn't keep the Ice Queen thing going. HE was the one I loved and the one I wanted.
I still would have attempted to get the marriage annulled if he hadn't stepped up to the plate, but he was the one I loved.
I don't know if this makes sense to you or not, and quite frankly it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you see the point your W is trying to make and validate it. You are very much trying to downplay the impact that sex plays in a person's life right now (because you are disgusted with your wife's behavior and your own) and that will surely drive her away. Validate her and do a few 180's and see what happens!
Good luck, and have you set any personal goals for yourself? How is that going?
