Green you said.........
See for me...I get VERY tired, exhausted really, of always having to get things going. Just as some men would I imagine...but problem with me is that (and I know this may sound lame, but it's really not) I wasnt taught to be sexually aggressive...women generally aren't. We're taught that men take the lead in this way...so as a woman who has to always initiate and get shot down contantly you feel unloved/undesireable/ignored/unvalidated/unimportant...you n name it. It's HORRIBLE!!!


I know exactly how that feels also!!

KEB....I think that is a huge step to have admitted this to your wife!!! If my husband would just admit it to me, validate he can understand why I am so unhappy and hurt it would mean a lot. But when he continually ignores it that sends a very clear message to me that 1. he don't think he has a problem because he won't admit it. 2. he could simply care less about my needs and wants.
See also if he admitted this he would be more of a man in my eyes. It takes a big person to admit when they have caused conflict in a marriage. It takes a big person to try and get help and correct things.
I myself have tried so hard to lower my libido. So I have tried very hard myself. I have tried not saying anything to him. I have tried talking, writing letters, dressing sexy,doing nice things for him. None of it has ever mattered.
I know you commented on my statement I wondered if my husband was gay. I know this has to be the most hurtful comment a guy could hear and I have actually asked my husband if this could be true. Of course he got really angry and called me a name. I only thought this because I can understand okay he says he just doesn't know why he doesn't have much of a sex drive. But when he masturbates to me that shows he does have desire just for his male hand. If he needed a sexual release which is what masturbation is to me then why would a man not want to turn to his wife for that. Maybe I just clueless. Because the masturbation part has really tore me apart.

I am so glad you posted here. I hope you will continue to post. You could help a lot of us maybe understand or help us on how we should approach this. I wish you the best of luck in your marriage.