Quote: GEL and Cally--can I put you guys on a plane to Texas so that you can talk to my W?!? I'm the LD spouse and I've just now had the cojones to admit it. I'm not sure why I'm the way I am but I'm working a number of paths toward finding out. In her opinion, too little, too late..."we've talked about this for years, you didn't fix it...why now?"
Anyway, I've never with held affection and have always (of course, this is my opinion) shown and said how much I loved her. I thought I was appreciating her too...just didn't know how much the sex piece negated any other things I was doing.
It's just nice to hear that someone out there understands the LDH issue...at least a little and is willing to try to work on it. I want my wife to see that she's not the only one. Cally--I saw your post about wondering if he's gay. I got the same. NOT the case BTW.
Anyway, sorry to hijack this thread for my own purposes but based on your last comments...I wanted to say THANK YOU. Even if you don't really know me...you guys are trying to understand guys like me...which my W has given up on!!!
KEBall My Thread: Another WAW Story in Newcomers
Kudos to you for finally admitting that this is a problem for you...and your W, that's an important step. And it's not too late, if you W is willing to work on this....and even if she's not it still may not be too late for you guys.
What I'm learning with my LDH is that he and I don't have the same love languages, and he's not speaking mine currently. He's trying, he's starting to get better...but currently he's still missing the mark. Fortunately, most of the time I can see the big picture...and he's willing to go to counseling to help us, with me this time.
Have you had a complete physical to find out if your testosterone level is normal? If you haven't that's an obvious thing that you need to have done k? If you have and it came back normal, don't be surprised...so did my H's in fact it came back on the high end.
Here's another question for you. Are you able to get aroused? If so how? Does she have to get the ball rolling, would porn do it for you (although I don't recommend that regularly), sexy lingere? Any of that?
See for me...I get VERY tired, exhausted really, of always having to get things going. Just as some men would I imagine...but problem with me is that (and I know this may sound lame, but it's really not) I wasnt taught to be sexually aggressive...women generally aren't. We're taught that men take the lead in this way...so as a woman who has to always initiate and get shot down contantly you feel unloved/undesireable/ignored/unvalidated/unimportant...you n name it. It's HORRIBLE!!!
You now admit that you are LD, ok so...have you asked your wife what things specifically that you could do to make her feel more loved and desired? Do you think that there is anything you can do to remind yourself to validate her sexually, daily, weekly etc?
I'm soooo curious to hear from another LDH, I could bombard you with questions. I too had to wonder if my H was gay, or even having an affair...both of which I knew in my gut weren't the case.
It is in my view though VERY important for you to find ways to validate her sexually. I can' tell you how frustrating it is for me to lay next to my husband everynight stark naked and never have his hand move from my stomach....NEVER. It's enough to just crush me...and he hasn't even said a word, but the hurt is still there.
Thanks for joining this BB...you are very welcome here
And yes, I'd be happy to talk to your W, by e-mail or on the phone anytime!
