Informal Survey - Has Your Sex Life Improved

[NotATLDave]

1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? In terms of quantity and variety, yes. We went from 2x a year to 2x a week (except during her period).

2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? I read SSM in Feb '04. I hate to confess this here, but it SSM was sort of the 'tester' to see how receptive and willing my W was. Her lack of concearn/effort in the beginning made my anxiety go through the rood until I read Passionate Marriage, then I chilled and started having better results. Then when I started paying cold hard cash for a C, my W got serious. But most of what I've learned was in SSM...I just didn't see it because I started this process in a mindset similar to CeMar.

3. How long did it take till things improved? About4-6 months before significant changes. The whole process de-stabilized the R though, so we ended up getting better in some areas and worse in others.

4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? The best thing I did was recognize that my "wants" and "desires" are 100% valid and that it's imperitive to defend the validity of them just as I should recognize the same about my W's feelings and desires. Once I adopted this mentality, I projected a different vibe and garnered my W's respect along with a healthy dose of self-respect.

5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner? (Please excuse following cheezy line but )I've improved my relationship with myself which made this whole thing worth it.

I was hesitant to post this because everyone's R is so different that it might be counterproductive counterproductive to derive an "average". It might be better to assume at the worst case scenario and be grateful for any improvement. The only thing most of us have in common is this 1 symptom (lack of sex), but each person here and their spouse are very unique individuals. Really understanding this helps you keep some perspective when reading posts, books, and case studies. I spent months qhacking my head on the wall because, in some ways, my situation wasn't improving according to the posts and books I read. When I finally stopped and acknowledged that "my situation is MY situation", I started being more respectful of my W as an individual...when this happen's it's not all good because you could discover that it's your own feelings that you have to manage now.