I'm a baby to the board, and finished reading SSM about a week ago, so I might not have enough history yet, but thought I'd share my experiences.
I came to the board first, before reading the book. It was the unconditional support that I received from strangers that got me rolling. Just getting up the nerve to talk to my H was a big step. I can say that I probably wouldn’t have done it if the support system wasn’t here. I needed anonymity to voice concerns and feelings and have them validated before I brought them to H.
That being said:
1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? Yes. We’ve made love 5 times since the 17th of this month. Although I don’t think that this in the book, but I saw something on the board that inspired me to start a spreadsheet on our sex life. I keep track of who initiates (Each of us has a column that I put an x in and it calculates at the bottom of the sheet.) I also keep track of talks that we have to see if it has any effect on our sex life.
Again, we’re new at this, but I feel closer than ever to H. We still can’t discuss sex, except in a joking manner, but everything else is fair game. We’re taking more of an active roll in each other’s lives and our individual household remodeling projects.
2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM?
A week.
3. How long did it take till things improved?
Improvement was immediate. As I have said in another thread, I seem to open the doors and H takes the initiative and walks through them. The fact that he has been more than willing to meet me half way has given me more than I can describe. I feel energized and more willing to put more of myself into our relationship.
4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you?
Communication, hands down. And I know that H has been using the “Just Do It” technique. There have been a couple of times that his body language has told me that he did not want sex, but I initiated anyway (something I would never have done in the past). Instead of pushing me away, he eventually got into it.
5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner?
Definitely. With the help of the book, I now understand where he’s coming from. H is still reading the book, and hasn’t made many comments on it, but I can see that he is trying to implement some.
