1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? Yes, sometimes. I used half ask and half nag for sex. Found out from other women here on the BB women don't like men that ask, they like men that are decisive and leaders.
2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? June 2004
3. How long did it take till things improved? Nov 2004
4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? W used to say / ask "do you want a D" instead of working on a solution. One day I said I was read for her to move out, buy her condo she always talked about. I stopped trying to smooth over things, I started to feel confident that I am OK alone, I decided to "try to get a life". I decided if W is pissed, that's OK, most of her feelings are about how she feels, its not about how I feel and I can't change how she sees things. I call it considerate detachment.
5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner? A little. Took away some of the resentment that builds when no-ass-at-all syndrome lasts for to long. I learned how to stop her diversions to side track a R conversation. Now I say what I want with in reason, and go for it. Leave the resentment out, take what W has to offer and quit thinking how unfair things are. W says she likes the R better, is willing to listen to what I have to say w/o comming back with the "you just want sex and not me", or "do you want a D" lingo.
I on the other hand I did gain a less angry feeling towards my W but at the same time if W said she was leaving and was fair about the splitting of assetts, I would not object to a D. I put a lot of work into the R but got little back. I do more good things for her than I used to do and she just does less crazy stuff. W did reduce some of her nagative actions and thoughts which were so out of wack.
Reason I continue to DB: 1. Baby steps sometimes are a waste of effort, sometimes they pay off. 2. Hoping W will read some of the books I have read, but do not expect it to happen. 3. I want to fix me, change what I did wrong, gain confidence in the things I think are the correct things to do regardless if someone else appreciated them or not, because they ARE the right things to do. 4. Looking to see if I can copy someone elses steps to success. 5. To see what does not work most of the time. Sometimes more important than what to do. 6. Seeing that every bad R at least has to attemped to be fixed before one should give up and go on. (practice repairing training) 7. I am a life long learner. 8. To see my / our situation is not that different than many others, find out what worked and what didn't work. 9. Practice what I read that I think will work, post to readers, get feed back, And many many more.
