If you are all up for it, I have a quick informal survey. I'm really interested to see how this turns out as I have no preconceived notions either way. I'm new to this and would love to get a quick snapshot of many people's experiences. Please post your answers. Thanks!
1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? 2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? 3. How long did it take till things improved? 4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? 5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner?
1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? Yes, a little. 2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? Approx. 9 months. 3. How long did it take till things improved? Approx. 6-mo 4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? Scheduling Sex 5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner? Absolutely!! My h and I now communicate better, not great, but better.
Limbo, I just wanted to say that being here on the BB has helped me and through me my marriage. The process is not quantifiable (some days better, some days not), but we are doing better.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Thanks for replying. I realize how difficult it is to quantify something like this, I guess I was just looking for a gut level feeling from people (at least on the first question). I've been reading threads the past few days and have been incredibly encouraged at times and discouraged at others. It's a tough road and I commend everyone here for actually taking the time and effort try and improve their M and their own lives.
I hope a few more people take this rather unscientific survey and thanks again for sharing.
1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM?
Definitely.
2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM?
Just under a year.
3. How long did it take till things improved?
It was almost immediate, but I honestly don’t know if there was any correlation. Our frequency went from every six months to once a week literally overnight. With no explanation. In fact, I even had a pretty long thread questioning why things got so much better so quickly.
4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you?
I’m not sure I can really answer this one. I don’t know that it’s a technique, but the most powerful thing for me was being able to see W’s side of things and giving up the anger.
5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner?
Absolutely. There’s still a looooooooong way to go, but we’re on the road.
1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? It improved a little. 2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? 1 year 3. How long did it take till things improved? After 3 months it got a little better 4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? ?? We tried scheduled sex, that didn't even last 2 months - except that I did stick to one part of our agreement- not to initiate sex during the week, (we agreed to sex once a week on Friday night or Sat. morning as long as she wasn't on her p. Since she said she was so tired durng the week, I still respect that part even if we have sex about once every 3 months.). 5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner? We have had better comunication, like some one else said, not great communication but better.
I'm not married. My bf and I have lived together for 2.5 years. Reading this BB has improved my perspective tremendously. Reading SSM didn't help much. I made a half-hearted attempt to schedule sex. He agreed, but neither of us followed through. My bf and I were in therapy with two different counselors, the second one a Schnarch-trained counselor. We stopped a couple of weeks ago, because frankly I didn't see any improvement and bf is focusing ALL of his energy (and he needs to do this) on a new job. I don't think this R will last. I'm having to work too hard for too little reward-- emotionally and physically. Since we're not married, there are few logistical barriers to separating. (We each still have our own houses, and go back and forth between them.) Right now I'm coasting, not trying hard, drifting. Waiting for a sign, I guess...
1. Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? Our sex life had already started improving by the time SSM came out, but I had read another of Michele's books and really liked them. In fact, at the time I decided to bring it up with H, I had read about 20 books on the subject including Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, and so I used a combination of these books. The improvement is that we can: talk about sex. Our frequency is up from 1x/6 weeks to about 4x week. We flirt with each other and the rest of our relationship runs smoother, including and especially our roles as parents. 2. How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? We first started conversing about this in July 2002. 3. How long did it take till things improved? The frequency improved immediately, as my H agreed to a weekly schedule of 2x per week. The rest of it has improved in fits and starts since then. 4. What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? Acting as if--which I am not good at, but was the most effective tool anyway--and validating him. I was not used to validating and it has had immense benefits in my situation. 5. Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner? I am thrilled that I can talk to him about sex, with a great amount of ease now. When I had that first conversation I couldn't even spit the word "sex" out and wondered 'should I say Sex or Making Love or what?'. I ended up bawling my head off and he tentatively said, Is this about sex? and that got the ball rolling.
