Thank you all, for your responses. We did go to the C last nite, and now the goal is to get our DD17 to go.
To answer your questions, no, it was very clear that the onus was on my W to set her own C appointment last year. She asked me for their name and #, so she could call and do that, and she never did. Shame on me for not calling her on it with a calm "I thought you agreed that this was important to me, but I'm not going to beg you to go. Whether or NOT you go, tho, will have an impact on where I see our marriage going tho."
I WAS proud, however, of how I handled my W's anxiety yesterday. I just said "Look, you and I are going to have different perspectives on what's going on -- we are, after all, two different people. Rather than worry about what I'm going to say, why don't you just say what YOU want to say, and we'll let the C give us her assessment?"
I suppose I was being pouty and petulant yesterday; of COURSE our daughter should be our #1 priority right now, and my W and I can deal with our issues later. The C session went okay, not great. The C is NOT married, has NO children, so we felt like it was probably hard for her to relate to some of our parenting issues with our D17. We did lay out plainly, tho, the issues and symptoms our D was going thru, and the C didn't seem overly concerned, certainly not about depression or eating disorder, so that was comforting.
The more W and I talked yesterday, she made it very clear what her fear was: "I don't need some counselor telling me how nuts I am" and "I have a REAL hard time opening up to someone and pouring out my shortcomings" and "If she starts to give me attitude, she's gonna get it RIGHT back from me!", etc. I think she knows she has issues, they affect her own happiness, our marital happiness & health, and now possibly our kids' emotional health, and she's afraid to hear that from a 3rd party, IMHO.
