Quote: Only this time, it's because DD17 is borderline depressed and can't seem to gain any weight.
She did agree to go, however, FOR ME.
this is good, shows that you do matter to her She never did, and neither of us ever mentioned it again. Was she suppose to make the appointment? Maybe she hoped that by not saying anything she could avoid the actual doing, which while willing sounds pretty scary and hard for her to do. If you never brought it up again, you really can't blame her, maybe she hoped it was no longer necessary, and wasn't about to rock the boat.
Fast forward exactly one year, and DD is having unhappiness problems, and my wife not only agrees that a C is a good idea, but we make the appt. -- and go -- all within two days time (we go in about 3 hours). Good for her She's still panicked, phoning me to "discuss what we're going to say," and wanting to know what I'M going to say, but it's just amazing to me how when our daughter possibly needs some help, she's all over it, but if the MARRIAGE, or her HUSBAND is distraught, then it's not a priority. It's much much easier to do something important for a child than for yourself. This is her "BABY" who is in trouble, and clearly her responsibility. Also depression can be a seriously life threatening disease. Another thing to consider that your wife feels counselling can and will help your daughter, where in contrast she's pretty skeptical that it will help the marraige. Also consider that what she needs to change to help her daughter isn't nearly as paralyzing and scary as what she might discover/find/need to change to help fix the marriage. The mariage pain is in a comfort zone - its the status quo, where as seeing your child sick and in pain (emotional and physical) isn't. Often you can see what someone else needs better than what your own situation needs. Another factor is how much your wife may have wished her mother had picked up and done something to ease her growing pains, and now she's in a situation where she can take action and help, so her dauter won't suffer as she did. Plus resources and meds are much better and more available now than they were when we were growing up.
I don't think you should assume that she cares less because she is able to act in behalf of your daughter and not in behalf of the marriage. I suspect there are simply fewer obsticals, less fear, less inertia, to overcome.
btw, this will be the exact same place that I went to C, and my W knows that, so it should be interesting to see if she says anything. Should I say anything?
Choc.
Good luck with the sessions. At some point you probably should speak up but not right away. I would suspect that some of the tension between you and your wife has impacted your daughter, maybe just slightly - maybe more than you know, possibly in ways she doesn't know. At least it gives you one more valid point to share with your wife. Eliminate marital stress, help your dauter recover better/faster, or at least eliminate it as a possible factor. Good luck
