Looking backward...but only to move forward THREE

[eyesopened]

Hi Sage,

I'm also sorry to hear about your grandmother. My prayers are with you and your family.


Congratulations on the second interview. Your "blah, blah, blah" mode when stressed sure sounds familiar. I've done that as far back as I can remember. My dad used to tell me "don't go borrowing trouble" when I'd start. My poor H usually tries to reassure me before his eyes finally glaze over as I discount his reassurances. Unlike you, though, I never seem to realize I'm doing this until well after the fact. While weaving a cocoon of love for H, don't forget to leave enough room in it for you, too.

[minnie1]

Good morning Sage,

Thinking of you today.....hope you're taking some time out.

Have you heard about the 2nd interview yet? This sounds very promising and I'm very excited for you.

I think that it's absolutely great that the new Sage can see the "old" Sage when she tries to come out.....you can SEE and you can refrain or at least re-direct.....

We all do this Sage...I agree that it's about fear and it's also about looking for ground under us. I'm glad you're not beating yourself up...simply noting it and moving on.

I won't be around tomorrow or the weekend but I'll be thinking of ya!

Minnie

[sage]

Hi Minnie, Slowly and eyes,

Thanks for the kind wishes about my grandmother. We're in the "how can we gather up the family without making everyone crazy" mode right now. So far, we're gathering AND going crazy.

Minnie and eyes, yes, I agree it's good that I can "see" what I'm up to while I'm doing it (or semi-soon after) though I am not always to stop on a dime. Minnie, you'll relate when I say that it's definitely meditation that has helped me acquire this skill...I've gotten so used to "watching" my mind and labelling the stuff that's flying thru it "thinking, planning, etc" that in the midst of a conversation with h it's not hard for me to think "controlling" or "fear based reaction" or whatever!

h is being great. He continues to be 100% supportive AND last night he was even putting some "action plans" into place over how this will all work. I need to SLOW down and LISTEN and stop "blah, blah, blahing" and this will definitely go well!

As for the second interview, it looks like it will be Wednesday of next week. It's good because I was hoping to get a bit more time before I might have to make a decision (a bit premature! they haven't offered me the job!) so having a few extra days works out well.

Sage

[sage]

Well, halfway thru Monday so THAT has to be good! I've got school tonight (blech) but I think I'll just focus on working on my project during class.

The weekend was long and stressful. The wake was Friday afternoon followed by dinner with my mother and two sisters. Everyone was on edge, primarily because my mother is such a pain in the butt. My older sister (from philly) stayed at my house.

the funeral was Saturday -- a miserable day of intense rain. the services were really lovely and amazingly well run. The lunch afterwards was comforting to all I think. But the day was LONG and felt like too much interaction. I went back with older sis to younger sis' house...to visit with the kids. That was good.

Saturday night I was finally solo. Had leftover pizza and some wine and watched "The Notebook". sunday AM I puttered around the house until h came home from his weekend away (pretty early in the afternoon). We ran errands (he was awfully cute about wanting to hang out with me!) and then relaxed for the afternoon and evening. Baseball started last night so that was fun.

I was hoping for some when h came home but he didn't seem in the "mood". I guess a weekend with "the guys" can be quite tiring . Hopefully we can reconnect this week..

Sage

[unsure70]

Hi Sage,

Just wanted to stop in and give you my condolences.

Also, to wish you luck with your 2nd interview!

Unsure

[sage]

Gosh,

I'm exhausted! I just wanted to make a quick post to journal and update.

I've been pretty mentally wiped all week. h has been great but I've definitely been in "bottomless pit" mode as far as affection goes...I think it's partly because we haven't spent a ton of time together for a while and also because he doesn't have internet at school right now (nor for the last week) so I don't get to talk with him during the day.

Last night he pulled out all the stops and made dinner for me -- first off, the food was fantastic but even more to the point, the whole effort was just awesome and loving. It was a wonderful AOS plus it spoke directly to my "if I switch jobs we're going to have to buckle down and eat in more" rant of late last week. The man listens, listens, listens and responds with action!

I had my second interview this AM. I think it went well but they did tell me they have a second candidate...blah, blah, blah! Ah, well, I'm not afraid of a little competition!

Seems like I should know end of this week/early next!

I just spoke with h .. we were going to go hiking but he's not feeling well (is in some pain) so we're going to relax instead. I need to focus on him and his needs soon...I've been very sage-centric of late.

Sage

[sage]

We had a good night last night...we walked to a local place for drinks and food but it was packed so we went to a chinese place that I've never been to. It was excellent! We had some mai tais and a couple of dishes. Yum!

We got home and watched the end of "To Kill a Mockingbird" (h has been watching it for school) and then just hung around.

Some positives:
1. h continues to be wonderfully supportive about the possible new job...I talked his ear off yesterday about it and he didn't mind!

2. h mentioned that if I get the job then we'll have a "meeting of the minds" about the budget. He suggested that we look for newsgroups or books on more frugal living. I love, love, love that he suggested this...and that he's backing up his verbal commitment with ACTION!

3. the network at h's school has been down for more than a week so I haven't been able to talk to him during the day. He asked to borrow my cell phone this am so that he could call me today. this is completely cute and wonderful! I love that he was missing chatting with me!

Sage

[sun387]

Sage

Thought I'd drop by your thread to see how you are doing since you are always checking in on me. I am glad to see that there are so many positives for you. An inspiration to all!

Hope everything goes great with the job! You deserve it!

Sun

[kml]

. He suggested that we look for newsgroups or books on more frugal living.

Sage - to my mind, the two "must reads" are
Your Money or Your Life by Dominguez (read this first) and
The tightwad Gazette by Dacyzyn

Both will make you challenge your assumptions about money and spending.

Ellie

[2much]

Hi Sage...I have been reading your posts and they have helped me out quite a bit....especially with knowing that someone else has same thoughts and feelings and anxieties in R as I do.

I know you are a busy person and you visit and give out advice all over the boards, so I was wondering if you might stop by and check out my posts? I just want to know how you got to where you are today after everything and how much your H worked on bringing back the M and how you got him to do that....

My thread...

Thanks so much!