Looking backward...but only to move forward THREE

[sage]

Just a quick update. Things have been really hectic here. I took monday off (for the interview) and spent yesterday catching up. Today has been crazy and the week is getting worse. My grandmother (dad's mom) died this AM so I need/want to carve off time to spend with my family.

I think I posted that the interview went really well. They want me to come back for a second interview (yahoo!) so I'm hoping to do that Monday or Tuesday. I'm feeling a bit more sure about moving forward if they offer me the job.

I have to admit that I've seen a bit of the "old sage" in the last few days around this job, some $$ fears, etc. I think it was Monday afternoon that I could hear myself semi-preaching to h (who was adamantly saying he was completely supportive of me!) about how we'd have to tighten our belts, how behaviors would have to change, etc. It wasn't mean or over the top but it was like I was watching myself with dismay. Wasn't this wonderful person telling me that he was 100% committed to making this new job/lower income dream work and I'm yak, yak, yaking as though he hasn't said any of that?

Bottom line is that I was letting my fear get in the way of hearing what he was saying and showering him with thanks and kisses. I think I was even using him as a barrier for dealing with my own concerns/misgivings/fears about what taking this (hey, they haven't offered it to me!) job.

Not beating myself up...just recognizing that it's easy for me to slip into "blah, blah, blah" mode when I get stressed and to try to steamroll over h's support. I think I need to weave a cocoon of love for the big guy.

Sage