WOW Sage, champage, candles, and !! Makes me grin from ear to ear.
This really clocked me:
Quote: There are times when I feel as though I have fears oozing out of every pore...but no doubt it doesn't look that way to the outside world...more like a barrier or distance or some sort of bravado. This morning it occurred to me that in my recent bout of "scaredy-catness" I think I'm telegraphing dissatisfaction to h -- not fear and love and a desire for closeness.
I do this very thing - when I feel threatened or scared, I become completely shut off and aloof. S. has recently called it "strained and formal," and I usually call it my "desperately bored and too cool" mask. I do it at parties (and boy, let me tell you, it's a huge hit ) because I'm nervous, but S. senses it, too, when he's talking about his (mostly F) friends, etc. (i.e., things that threaten me). Thanks for pointing this out... very helpful to remember that fear is most often telegraphed as something else - dissatisfaction is a biggie for me, too. NOT the kind of energy we want to be exuding, right?
Quote: There are times when I feel as though I have fears oozing out of every pore...but no doubt it doesn't look that way to the outside world...more like a barrier or distance or some sort of bravado. This morning it occurred to me that in my recent bout of "scaredy-catness" I think I'm telegraphing dissatisfaction to h -- not fear and love and a desire for closeness.
I do this very thing - when I feel threatened or scared, I become completely shut off and aloof. S. has recently called it "strained and formal," and I usually call it my "desperately bored and too cool" mask. I do it at parties (and boy, let me tell you, it's a huge hit ) because I'm nervous, but S. senses it, too, when he's talking about his (mostly F) friends, etc. (i.e., things that threaten me). Thanks for pointing this out... very helpful to remember that fear is most often telegraphed as something else - dissatisfaction is a biggie for me, too. NOT the kind of energy we want to be exuding, right?
Yes, I saw on your thread that SO had commented on your reserve...I could certainly relate. It's a hard, hard thing to turn around and often even harder to view it from someone else's perspective. What I think I'm getting better at is "noticing" when I feel my defenses go up...even if I don't feel like I can necessarily "fix" it at that time. Of course, the "as if" attitude can help a bunch.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Almost time to head home from work! It was certainly nice to have Thursday and Friday off!
We ended up not going away. We were supposed to leave Thursday afternoon but Thursday AM h asked me if it was ok if we didn't go. I think it was a combo of having stuff to do around the house coupled with feeling sort of rushed about getting back into town on Saturday. I told him it was fine with me -- which it was. This is a BIG change from pre-bomb days when this kind of change in plans would have sent me reeling! h gave me lots of ++ reinforcement later on...told me that he felt as though he felt unafraid to tell me how he feels about things because I'm so open and positive in reaction to him. Now THAT'S a 180 for me!
the rest of the weekend is a blur...I know it involved basketball, a fancy dinner,some movies, exercise, , lots of relaxation, some laughs, cake (!), the ballet, dinner at a friend's house...all good stuff! I told him this AM that I was going to have withdrawal from him today!
In other news, I got a response back from a resume that I sent out yesterday (for a non-profit position). They want to phone screen me later this week!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thought I'd check out your thread. You've provided me with pretty good advice in the past. I see that you're doing great and clearly know what you're talking about (not that I ever had any doubt).
You probably don't know this name since I used to be phonixdeu (deliberate misspell, I don't know the capabilities of the search thing). I didn't reply on my phoenix(deux) thread because I'm giving it up for awhile. My wife will surely keep reading it to see what's up and I want her to at least get the impression that I'm doing something else besides pining away on here for her. So I had to find you here under this new name. Thanks for all the advice. I've appreciated when you've popped in to give me insight. You asked how did she come to read my thread? By my own stupidity. She cornered me...she accused me of giving up on the marriage so we might as well divorce. I said I haven't given up. She said your actions don't tell me that. So I said I'm following the advice of the DB website. Gave her my name myself. I actually never thought she'd look. She's never been interested before. I thought she'd forget either the site or the name, but I guess not. Go figure. I don't know if she would start her own thread. It was my hope that while she was here she'd get curious. The one thing about her (and I've always loved it about her) is that she never digests something like this in one try. She keeps coming back to it and reading and re-reading to see what she missed. I'm hoping that will lead to looking at other threads and other situations and maybe clicking on the success stories. Here's to hoping.
So anyway now I'm la_esperanza which by my limited knowledge of Spanish means Hope. It's a good thing to have I think.
Sorry to hijack your thread. Just didn't want to be rude and not answer your questions. You really give hope that DBing can work. I hope it's not too late for me. I've moved to the divorced but Dbing area, but hope I don't actually get there. If I do I'll just keep DBing. End of hijack. Come see me at my new location sometime.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: In other news, I got a response back from a resume that I sent out yesterday (for a non-profit position). They want to phone screen me later this week!
This is so great! I hope it ends up being something that would work for you.
Quote: This is so great! I hope it ends up being something that would work for you.
How's school going?
Minnie
Hey! I just emailed you!
School feels a little scary right now .. I'm supposed to be working on this big project and I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed. I've got a meeting with my teacher on monday so I hope he'll put my mind at ease!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Haven't updated in a bit...work has been kind of a hassle lately -- not a good thing when combined with my (lately) procrastinator tendencies!
School is blah but only 8 more weeks!
Home is great. We went out for mexican food last night. I went to bed early, though, 'cause I was super tired (must have been that margarita!). Tonight we're going out with friends to a restaurant that has "hell night" -- basically "hotter than hell" food! should be a lot of fun.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
So, I had the phone screen with the nonprofit and it went really well. They want me to come in on Monday AM for an interview. they really liked my program management and functional management experience. The position is for an event coordinator for their major events. They know I don't have specific event management experience.
Hey, does anyone reading this have skills in event management for nonprofits? They sent me an email saying that that will be one of the interview questions (walk thru the planning process, discuss key considerations for success, etc). Please, CHIME IN! I've done some googling and will do more.
Now, of course, getting this job (if I did) would mean a BIG, BIG hit in salary if I took it. It's exactly the right kind of foot in the door for me to get into the nonprofit world and I feel as though I could succed with it but the $$$ feels like an overwhelming "challenge". H still has a year left in law school so the timing is sort of crappy for this whole thing.
That being said, h is being AWESOME and is completely rocked about it. I met him after school last night and he was so totally pumped up and was making all kinds of suggestions about how we could swing it, etc. 100% support from him. He told me that he would call our financial planner today to tell her the details and get her thinking about possible scenarios (note that his taking the reins on this is a big 180 for him). There's no question that he's being absolutely wonderful and amazingly supportive and tremendous!!! I am totally lucky!
I just had my performance review at work. It went super well. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed when I think about this weekend...tons of homework, prepping for the interview, I have too many "unbreakable" plans, ugh!!!
Oh, yah, it's only a weekend! I can get thru it, right?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Hey, does anyone reading this have skills in event management for nonprofits?
Sage - I don't know if this is at all relevant, but my H has worked for years on the board of an annual charity event for the local cancer center - would any of his planning experience be helpful? Also I know Betsey (Underdog) has run a similar event for years.
Ellie -- If you h has any tips for me that would be great. I'm pretty good at "program management" overall but what is definitely missing in my experience is the nuances of making a fundraiser successful.
I'll also ping Betsey if I get a chance before Monday AM!
Thanks! Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
!! Makes me grin from ear to ear.
) because I'm nervous, but S. senses it, too, when he's talking about his (mostly F) friends, etc. (i.e., things that threaten me). Thanks for pointing this out... very helpful to remember that fear is most often telegraphed as something else - dissatisfaction is a biggie for me, too. NOT the kind of energy we want to be exuding, right?
h gave me lots of ++ reinforcement later on...told me that he felt as though he felt unafraid to tell me how he feels about things because I'm so open and positive in reaction to him. Now THAT'S a 180 for me!
So I had to find you here under this new name. Thanks for all the advice. I've appreciated when you've popped in to give me insight. You asked how did she come to read my thread? By my own stupidity. She cornered me...she accused me of giving up on the marriage so we might as well divorce. I said I haven't given up. She said your actions don't tell me that. So I said I'm following the advice of the DB website. Gave her my name myself. I actually never thought she'd look. She's never been interested before. I thought she'd forget either the site or the name, but I guess not. Go figure. I don't know if she would start her own thread. It was my hope that while she was here she'd get curious. The one thing about her (and I've always loved it about her) is that she never digests something like this in one try. She keeps coming back to it and reading and re-reading to see what she missed. I'm hoping that will lead to looking at other threads and other situations and maybe clicking on the success stories. Here's to hoping.
I'm supposed to be working on this big project and I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed. I've got a meeting with my teacher on monday so I hope he'll put my mind at ease!